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Sparkle (1)
OK look, it is not totally the guys’ fault. Guys are easily confused when it comes to women. Any girlfriend or wife can attest to this simple fact. So it is up to us, the women, to tell the guys what is sexy or not. Yes, guys are very visual and their attraction to women who look like strippers, porn stars or sexy, school girls is well-documented, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they want all of us to strut around looking like that. Those kinds of looks are for male fantasies, not for reality, at least not any lasting reality.
Let’s consider the true meaning of the word, fantasy. A quick search of the definition brings up all we need to know: “imagination,” ”hallucination,” and “unreal.” A fantasy, at it’s most basic, is not meant to be realized. When everyday women try to look like porn stars, strippers, or the freakishly gorgeous, and curvaceous Kardashians (or whatever the latest trend is), they begin to concretize a male fantasy, and in so doing, confuse the whole process. It really is up to us to know the difference, and create a different standard of beauty that is more realistic.
I mean, just because I fantasize about a little two-seat convertible, doesn’t mean I actually want one. It just would not be practical with kids and dogs, and bags of plant fertilizer, or enormous boxes from Costco runs. But I still fantasize about zipping around town looking cute and carefree. In my fantasy, I am not a frazzled single mother of three, but a desirable and mysterious woman who can get any man she wants, and more importantly, any parking space. And that is what makes fantasy so much fun.
The same goes for men and their desire to ogle (or more) a blonde, surgically enhanced, and enormously boob-a-licious woman. Deep down, they know that bringing a woman who looks like that to their kid’s 8:00 a.m. soccer game isn’t really part of the fantasy.
If we choose to jump on the hamster wheel of continually striving to look like someone else’s standard of beauty, we will never be at peace. But if we set the standards for what is appropriate and beautiful given our respective ages, then I am pretty sure men will just follow along. Remember, men are attracted to ALL kinds of women. It never ceases to amaze me how easily they are turned on, or by what. They love all kinds of looks, from the sultry librarian to the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but usually it is some small detail that excites them rather than a total look. It might be the way a woman plays with her hands, or a certain thing she does with her lips, or how she laughs – you just never know. One things remains constant for both men and women – confidence is always sexy.
So next time you are contemplating trying to manipulate your body into an outfit meant for a whole other kind of woman, consider this: Do you feel authentically you? Because if you feel like an imposter, chances are you won’t feel an inner sense of self-confidence; which is quite different from the false confidence you feel when what you really look like is hidden under two layers of make-up and three layers of hope.
As women, we can’t control the fantasies of men, but we can control the reality of what it means to be a complex, healthy, and attractive woman. Set your own standard of beauty for yourself, be confident in who you are, and men and women alike will see what it means to really be beautiful.
