The potential of possibility
by randomactsofb

Sometimes I get so upset about life in general. Mostly, I just get so jealous of my husband. Is that normal?

I don't know. I just get to where I feel like he has all these little "extras" in his life. He has a great career [whereby he actually uses his education and follows his dreams]. He has an iPhone. He has a laptop on loan to him from his job. He can decide to go buy himself new clothes with no guilt. He decides when he's going to do what, and with whom he's going to do it with. He has a wife who cooks for him. He has a wife who raises his kids. He has a wife who gives up a lot for everyone else in her life.

I just get so mad sometimes and I hold it all against him. Yes, I even hold his iPhone against him. I hold the money he gets to spend guilt free on whatever he deems appropriate against him. Why? Because I don't have that luxury. I feel guilty about everything. I live with guilt. And to get around it, I just give things up. I don't demand much...and the only extras I get are things like the extra few servings of brownies I eat throughout the day, or the few minutes here and there I steal to get online while Adrien's occupied during the day. I just bottle it all up I guess. And then I just end up letting it all out in little spurts...and when anyone asks what's wrong I say nothing.

So this is me admitting that I'm jealous of my husband and all the little things he has. Everything he has that I don't. It just pisses me off some days. What about all the stuff that I want?

Pssht. Want? What does that even mean? I relegate that to daydreaming about the potential of possibility.

Submitted by randomactsofb (view blog) on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 09:19

Comments

 

The Feminine Mystique

I think you just summed up the entire Betty Friedan book in four wrenching, heartbreaking paragraphs.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

Submitted by Suzanne Reisman on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 09:49
 

I gotta ask why???

First, why does he have "permission" to do what he wishes and buy what he wants without apparently "responsibility" for caring for his children, his house and his wife?

And why do you not have equal permission?

Who set up these "rules" and why are you choosing to live by them?

Debra
A Stitch In Time
Deb's Daily Distractions

Submitted by debra roby on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 09:52
 

I'm with Deb on this one.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I have never had a similar experience and have no idea how you got here. But if it's him restricting your purchases/freedoms while he gets to live it up in the Apple Store, that's one thing. If it's you saying or believing you can't have anything but extra brownies, that's another. There are things you can do about both of these situations, though - even if it sounds impossible.

And I have to assume that if you're missing out on the phone and the "stuff" there are other more important things you're not getting as well. 

I understand sacrifice, but all I know is that if my spouse was bopping around with an iPhone and I was stuck with the brownies (which i SO can't imagine happening by the way, but I love my gadgets for sure...) we'd have to have a conversation. Probably several.

Good luck to you.

Laurie

LaurieWrites 

Submitted by lauriewrites on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 10:12
 

You Are Doing Your Job

You are doing a job and you have every right to spend money the way you see fit. Do you need a new shirt? Buy it. Tell the family you want an iPhone for Mother's Day.

If you were working and your husband was staying home would you begrudge him new clothes? You should not feel guilty about taking care of yourself. You have a hard job. 

 

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Sports and Fitness
Sarah and the Goon Squad
Draft Day Suit

Submitted by Sarah on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 10:03
 

Is it perceived or stated?

For the longest time I perceived that my husband could get and do whatever he wanted and I regelated myself to the back burner. My wants and need did not matter, the wants and needs of my family always came first. First his then the kids, sometimes vice versa but never mine first or sometimes at all.

I surprised my husband and myself when I went and bought myself an IPod 30 gig. He cheered me on. The kids did too. I've bought more for myself over time. I've gotten myself in to a book club and everything. Discovered it's okay for me to buy myself things that I need or want.

 So I ask, is it perceived that you're not allowed or has it been stated?

One Snap at a Time

Jagged Edge of Em's Anxiety

Submitted by Emsxiety on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 10:14
 

That's what I wonder too..

Because I worked and was so independent before I had a child and chose to stay home, I have issues. Issues with the fact that I'm not bringing in nearly as much money as I used to. So, because I'm not bringing in money, I feel guilty for spending it on 'frivolous' things like clothing for me, etc.

HOWEVER, my husband doesn't feel that way at all.  He thinks I'm crazy for feeling that way.  My issue is all with me. I hope that you're in the same boat.  It's hard to 'get over' the guilt feeling. And sometimes I do feel guilty, because my husband works SO HARD normally, and here I sit. But then, I remember how hard it is to do what I do.  And the guilt goes away. :)

Submitted by MommaMary on Thu, 05/08/2008 - 10:50
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