The potential of possibility

Sometimes I get so upset about life in general. Mostly, I just get so jealous of my husband. Is that normal? I don't know. I just get to where I feel like he has all these little "extras" in his life. He has a great career [whereby he actually uses his education and follows his dreams]. He has an iPhone. He has a laptop on loan to him from his job. He can decide to go buy himself new clothes with no guilt. He decides when he's going to do what, and with whom he's going to do it with. He has a wife who cooks for him. He has a wife who raises his kids. He has a wife who gives up a lot for everyone else in her life.

I just get so mad sometimes and I hold it all against him. Yes, I even hold his iPhone against him. I hold the money he gets to spend guilt free on whatever he deems appropriate against him. Why? Because I don't have that luxury. I feel guilty about everything. I live with guilt. And to get around it, I just give things up. I don't demand much...and the only extras I get are things like the extra few servings of brownies I eat throughout the day, or the few minutes here and there I steal to get online while Adrien's occupied during the day. I just bottle it all up I guess. And then I just end up letting it all out in little spurts...and when anyone asks what's wrong I say nothing.

So this is me admitting that I'm jealous of my husband and all the little things he has. Everything he has that I don't. It just pisses me off some days. What about all the stuff that I want?

Pssht. Want? What does that even mean? I relegate that to daydreaming about the potential of possibility.

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