Potty Training: A Moral Victory or Just a Physical One?

My 5-year-old daughter was happily day and night potty trained since age 3. Just this past weekend, she wet her bed for only the 2nd time in her life. And then last night, she was on her way to the bathroom in the middle of the night and accidentally pooped in her underwear before she made it there. Obviously there is something else up with her which we need to address without making her feel shameful.

Angela at mommy bytes ( http://www.mommybytes.com )
BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet

I've thought about starting up this very conversation on my blog but haven't because it involves my son and I don't want him reading about it later on. He's nearly 8 and still wets the bed at night. He was daytime trained before 3.

Funnily enough during our recent summer school holidays he didn't wet the bed once and I thought that's it, no more, but three weeks into the school term he started wetting the bed. I think it's psychological with him as he's a very sensitive and occasionally anxious kid. Even though he's settled in fairly well to school this year I still wonder what's going on in his head that translates into wet sheets at night - if that's indeed the problem. There's no physiological problem as we've had that checked out.

He hates wearing nappies at night but when we're not at home he has to.

I'd love to know others' experiences too as it does seem to be a bit of a taboo subject.

Rita, your girl might have been a bit later than some to stop the night wetting but with all the research I've done, there's quite a few kids still wetting the bed for a long time.

Jen at Semantically driven ( http://www.semanticallydriven.com/ ) and Safari suit ( http://www.safarisuit.com/ )

You're right. Of course we know that it's alright for kids to hit these marks at different stages. And that they all will eventually, assuming they are otherwise developmentally normal. But it still feels like there is some intrinsic value in getting there as soon as possible where the toilet is concerned.

I have the only kid I've ever heard of who was night-trained before he was day-trained. Like, over a year before. Magically, at 18-months, he always woke up with a dry diaper. So I started sitting him on the toilet first thing and he would go. Assuming he must be ready for toilet training, we underwent the longest ever toilet training process. Finally, over a year later, he will find his own way to the bathroom -- most of the time. I have washed a lot of soiled underwear this past year, and let me tell you, there's no moral victory there.

Rebecca

Get the dish without the dirt.

playgroundconfidential.com ( http://playgroundconfidential.com/ )

I think that, as parents, we're just really concerned for our kids. We monitor every little thing. We announce new teeth and whether the kid likes peas better than carrots as if they were issues of national importance. We're just so desperate for confirmation that we're doing a good job, and our kids are OK.

I think that's where the potty training thing comes from. It's the same as attaching a moral association to an older child who's still breastfeeding or waking at night or using a pacifier. It shouldn't be anyone else's business, but there's no other good metric that we can use to confirm our relative goodness or badness, so we seize on it.

Having two children I now know that what works for one child may not work for another, and there are no easy formulas. Sometimes kids excel in one area and lag in another, but eventually they all catch up. I'm sure your daughter wil, too.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com ( http://www.strocel.com )

My daughter, now 21, didn't sleep dry until she was 7. There should be no shame associated with this. Some people sleep differently. It is OK. Really OK. http://amidlifeofprivilege.blogspot.com ( http://amidlifeofprivilege.blogspot.com/ )

I have a girl who was fully potty trained at 2 but started wetting the bed at 5.  Her Dr told me that bed wetting is a body function.  Her brain is not letting the bladder know that she is sleeping. Or she is sleeping too deeply to know that she is wetting herself.  Another little gem she shared is that it is heriditary, if you have an uncle/ aunt or parent who was a bed wetter then it is more likely you will be a wetter too.  My brother and I were wetting the bed until 8 and for him intermittily until 10. and before us so were my mom and uncle.  So as embarassing as it is for you let your kid know that they are not alone. 

Michelle

I blog at http://www.mommycan.blogspot.com/