The Power of Virginity

Extended virginity is a growing rarity. By the time I was twenty five and still a virgin, the fact drew questioning looks and crossed eyebrows. Although the fact rarely came up when I was thirty five, the level of dumbfoundedness grew exponentially.  Great concern over why was always the next question. Was I harmed as a child? Was I afraid? Was I religious? The answer was no.

I had very protective parents who allowed me little opportunity to socialize with boys through high school. I had a few kisses by the time I was eighteen, and my college years yielded little more. However, by that time my virginity began to feel powerful.  There was no doubt my college friends and work collegues had significantly more knowledge about some things than I had. However, they had great emotional upheavals, pregnancy and STD concerns, as well as broken hearts. With the supposed power and freedom of living the life of a woman freely expressing her sexuality there seemed to come a significant vulnerability.

Was I afraid of the outcomes of sex? I'd say I was insecure, but not afraid. Did I want to experience sexual freedom? Absolutely. But from the perspective of one who was making a non-obligated choice, the sexual freedom experienced by my friends who took on multiple partners without solid relationships seemed anything but. They were chained to forcing radical hormonal changes on their bodies with concraceptive pills. They were gambling with the costs of either raising a child or paying for an abortion. Even more significantly, they were betting on protection and the supposed cleanliness of a partner to stay free of disease. In some cases, this didn't work.

But, in spite of that, they were empowered and free women.  I was a conservative and naive girl at best and a prude at worst. Regardless, I owned something. No divine scripture told me to do so. I was raised agnostic and consider myself an athiest.  Morally, I felt no obligation to hold onto my chastity. I was not afraid of the act, or even shy about my body. I simply felt very powerful and very in control of my life as a young woman.

There were times when my belief faltered. By the time I hit thirty I wondered if my standard was too high. When I turned thirty-five, I was a bit dismayed, but again considered that of all the things I did have in my life--a successful career, a host of awards and titles in my recreational sport, and the resources to enjoy the activities most dear to me-- none of them would I trade for a trist. Most importantly, the belief I held that I was special enough not to be just a pleasure toy for someone else left me no doubt that I would continue to hold the greatest expression of love and closeness for the right person.

I was thirty-six when that man entered my life. He barely batted an eye when I told him, though I could see the effort he made to keep the poker face. He accepted me for who I was and the choices I had made.  Most importantly, he admired the choice I had made, the committment I'd made to myself, and the strength of character I had that it represented.  In the end, by choosing to remain a virgin until I felt a sexual relationship was absolutely right for me and the partner I was with I felt strong, feminine, and in charge of my destiny.  There is nothing that I missed other than mulitple partners. Does my partner satisfy me the best? Yes. Because sex is only an expression of love, not  love itself. There are no others for me to compare him to, so I cannot say if he satisfies me more than anyone else could only that he does satisfy me completely. For that, I feel total freedom in our relationship. I feel no insecurity, no fear and no worry in sex. I am able to totally let go to the moments with him and be a woman fully in control of her life.  By not allowing society to dictate when, how or why I chose to lose my virginity or keep it, I have remained an empowered woman.

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