Bio
Liz Rizzo lives in Los Angeles, works in entertainment, and aims to direct film & television. Dreamer since 1971, Angelino since 2002, blogger si...
 
 
 
 

Most Popular

In Praise of the Condom

  • Share This Post
  • Pin It
  • 10
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

I have a confession: I used to hate condoms. Of course, I thought, sex felt better skin on skin. How could it not? I didn't have casual sex, and for years, any given boyfriend and I would simply wait the (then) 3 sex-free months, have an HIV test and then not use them. Ah, my birth control pill years.

Nowadays, I'd wait 6 months before I was trusting that HIV test, and even then, I'm figuring it's going to take marriage for that condom to come off. Burned once, shame on evil cheater guy; Burned twice - Yeah, no. I have been a condom convert ever since spending months waiting for that final HIV test that said evil may have touched my heart, but it left my body unscathed.

So I was dismayed to read on Jezebel that one of the 5 Things Every Female Virgin Should Know (And No One Will Tell Her) is: 1.) It Feels Better Without a Condom.

You know, people really get on their high horse when it comes to using condoms. Here's the thing: You know those PSAs or HBO Families in Crisis movies about the importance of safe sex? And there's always a guy who's like slimy and tries to sweet-talk his girlfriend into having sex without a condom because "it feels better." Well, he's right. It totally does feel better. I know, know! Condoms are important for many reasons and you should wear them. But for me, it feels way more natural without one and I'm much less likely to get a UTI.

Yeah, well, here's the thing: I never thought I'd say this, but that's a bunch of BS. Maybe condoms are just better twenty years after I started having sex. I guess certainly they're thinner. I remember them being much harder to use, obvious they were there, irritating (although I'm not prone to UTIs), and oh, that trampoline feeling - Not good. But speaking from the female side of the equation, I can honestly say that while the application of a condom does require a slight pause in the action, nowadays, the presence of one detracts from my sexual experience not one bit.

And can we talk for one second about who has to get up and go to the bathroom after sex? Without condom, that would be me. With condom, I get to lay blissfully under the covers, nice and warm and happy. Seriously, even in a relationship where condoms have been left behind long ago, I'm thinking a box in the nightstand would be nice for those nights you're not too tired for sex, so long as you don't have to drag yourself to the bathroom after. Sometimes, you just want to roll over and pass out, am I right?

Were I to give a piece of condom advice to that female virgin, beyond "Use them and be safe; they feel just fine," it would be that some men really do need larger sized condoms. I don't care if someone rolled an average one up to their elbow in health class, that doesn't mean it's actually comfortable for a well-endowed man. If your partner is large, that may be why he's complaining about condoms. Don't put the condoms away, just whip out the Magnums!

~

Related Reading:

Preventing Teenage Pregnancy: My Condom Story - Becoming "The Condom Girl" - Love that! My friends and I always had condoms in our purses in Undergrad in case anyone needed one.

The Condom Story - Hysterical tale of mistaken identity.

Thanking Eve - What condoms and Genesis have in common.

~

Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

  • 10
  • Sparkle (
    )
     

Comments

Post comment as twitter logo facebook logo
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Liz Rizzo 5 pts

Hi DrLith,

I can't argue with your and your husband's personal experience, of course, but believe me when I tell you that it's not true for everyone, particularly with the new thin condoms some people have mentioned here.

There are many reasons people "leave condoms behind" as their relationship progresses, not the least of which is cost and fuss. The pause to put it on is manageable, but it is a pause in the action nonetheless.

So maybe it's not "just the same," but to say sex is better without condoms is better than with is disingenuous to me, because from my perspective, that's simply not true.

Liz Rizzo ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

DrLith 5 pts

I'm unable to use hormonal BC for medical reasons, and I must say that sex with a condom is better than no sex (and certainly, better safe than sorry), but sex without a condom is better than with!

In terms of my own sensation, the difference is minimal, but in terms of my husband's sensation, the difference is significant. How can that fail to affect the whole experience? And not just in a "bummer for him" sympathetic sort of way. Because his orgasm requires heavier stimulation that is different from what gets me off, we don't sync up for simultaneous Os like we can without. And I can't play the little control game of "I could make you cum whenever I want you to," because with a condom on--I can't!

We've been at this for years now and have tried all sorts of brands and models and lubes. Yes, we're grownups, so yes, we learn to make do with the choices we have. You may say it's "irresponsible" to claim that sex without a condom is better than sex with, but I think it's disingenuous to claim that it's just the same. If that were true, then they *wouldn't* get left behind as relationships progress.

Zandria 5 pts

I thought it seemed pretty irresponsible. You make some great points here. And being safe is definitely the most important thing.

Personal blog: Keep Up With Me ( http://www.zandria.us )
BlogHer blog: Life - Singles ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/zandria )

rsudul 5 pts

I love that condoms are becoming a woman's product. My mom and I have come out with a product that gives woman a chic discreet way of carrying condoms in your purse... Just In Case... a condom compact for women! Looks like a makeup compact but has a secret compartment for 2 condoms... just in case! We have another style Just In Case II which holds the larger condoms because yes... the fit is key.
Thank you for this conversation!
Love Well. Love Wisely.
www.JustInCaseInc.com ( http://www.JustInCaseInc.com )
www.JIC2compact.com ( http://www.JIC2compact.com )

Liz Rizzo 5 pts

BlogHers are a smart bunch. :)

Great point about smaller condoms, too. Finding a condom that fits is definitely key.

Liz Rizzo ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/liz-rizzo )

I blog at Everyday Goddess ( http://everydaygoddess.typepad.com/ ).

Ann517831 5 pts

We use condoms, and the style of condom really affects the experience. The Babeland sample pack is a good place to start if you're not sure what feels good and what doesn't.

Suzanne 5 pts

On Feb. 23, my husband and I will have been together for 13 years. We used condoms all the time at the beginning of our relationship, and I thought they were OK. Then I went on the Pill for other medical reasons, and we stopped using condoms. The few times I had to be off the Pill (also for medical reasons), it was difficult for my hubby to transition back to condoms. (I almost said it was hard, but that was too appropriate...) Plus, they seemed not so good to me. Still, condoms weren't bad enough to stop us from having sex. Spermicide on condoms is a big no-no for me; it's a definite UTI instigator.

Anyway, at some point, I bought a box of Elexa condoms although I grumbled at their marketing campaign. To my surprise, I found that the type of lube on the tube makes every difference in the world. Those condoms pretty much rival condomless sex, I swear. I'm back on the Pill and not going to spend money on condoms unless I need to, but my point is that that Jezebel post is wrong, not to mention irresponsible. Safe sex does not have to be not-good-sex.

Suzanne Reisman ( http://www.blogher.com/member/suzanne ), Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender ( http://www.blogher.com/topic/feminism-gender )
Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS)& Other Rants ( http://cussandotherrants.com/ )

moddivorce 5 pts

In addition to HIV, you can get STDs if you don't use a condom - and it's important that your partner gets tested for EVERYTHING before you stop using them. And, just an fyi, there is a test available now that checks DNA - I think it's called RNS that checks for HIV and you don't have to wait 6 months. It's accurate within a matter of weeks after the last encounter where exposure may have occurred - so you don't have to be angst ridden waiting 6 months to find out if evil has gotten your body.

Great post Liz,
Helene
The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide
http://themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/blog

Mammacheryl 5 pts

Let's not forget about the other side of the spectrum. While condoms may be tight and uncomfortable with the well-endowed men, standard condoms are loose and humiliating for the lesser-endowed men. I've had a couple of partners who were less than average sized, and when we used condoms, they would inevitably fall off during use, which makes them absolutely useless. Far too few pharmacies and almost no stores carried "Snuggies", as the smaller size condoms are called I think.

Like with bras, getting the right fit for a condom is vital.

Cheryl
http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com
http://skinnymeals.blogspot.com