Prayer

While I prayed to the Lord that if my kitty was not meant to go to
please save her or if she was let her go as peacefully as possible. It
was the Lords will for my cat to leave this earth but I am finding
comfort in the fact that she is not completely gone. But, I am still
very sad. It's also hard for me because this time of year seems to be
when a lot of loss happens in my life. My godfather died 3 years ago
around this time and my dog 2 years ago around this time and so it is
very hard for me right now but I am trying to do the best that I can to
cope.

Yesterday
I yelled at my boyfriend. I did not mean too but the situation was just
so frustrating. Two years ago he went away and before that some girl
sent me an email telling me horrible things. Like he hated me did not
want me and I better stay away from him or else where just some of the
comments she made only much harsher and cruel then what I just wrote. I
read the email to my mom at the time and my mom thought it was very
cruel and no one should speak to anyone like that. It still hurts me
the things she said to me and the way she said them to me in a
threatening way. I do not find that behavior acceptable and I do not
deserve to be treated that way by anyone. But, my boyfriend said he got
a letter from her and promptly wrote her back. I tried to remail
detached and calm but my anger was seething through and he could tell
something was wrong. Then he was like "why are you so mad about this?
When I've told him many times before how her actions hurt me and he
still defends her saying he asked her to because of personal issues at
the time but he did not tell her to say those cruel things to me that
was all her own doing. I am not mad at him for having a friendship with
her I am mad at her for the cruel things she said to me and threatening
me and I'm mad that he constantly defends her actions. I trust my
boyfriend and he says he looks to her like a little sister I believe he
is telling the truth but I would be lying if I said I trusted this girl
because her actions tell me she obviously likes him as more then a
friend. But, he doesn't seem to get it. I know I can't control who he
is friends with but I am not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt when
it still does.

Today a man came in the store and walked behind
the counter to pull stuff out of the cases. I was like "excuse me but
you can't do that! It was completely rude and inappropriate behavior
especially coming from a complete stranger. He got the message and
backed off thank goodness I was trying to set a boundary by protecting
my personal space because that behavior is unacceptable but at least he
respected me and walked away but I must admit I really stood my ground.
I've been surprising myself lately. Maybe I'm just tired of taking
crap.

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