The Pregnancy Test...

On Thanksgiving 2009 I took a pregnancy test.

The test said "Pregnant." (I mean it actually said "P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T" the kind that literally spells it out for you)

I gasped.  [gasp]

I screamed, just a little bit. [aahhhhh!]

My husband asked, "What?" with a worried sick look on his faced.

He glanced at my hand.

He looked at my face.

He said, "You're kidding, right?"

I said, "Look."

He looked.

I cried.

I thought he was going to cry.

He didn't.

He told me it was going to be okay.

He told me we would figure it out and make it work, and that God wouldn't give us anything we couldn't handle.

I told God, "I don't think I can handle this."

I sat down.

I wondered, is it a girl or a boy.

I thought of little hands and toes.

I smiled on the inside.

I realized I would have to stop nursing my 15 month old.

I wanted to cry again.

I thought, I hope it's a boy, but a girl would be good too.

What are we going to name him.

Or her.

Wait a second, what am I thinking, this can't be happening.

I had butterflies.

I was scared.

I was secretly happy.

How could this have happened?

I had to make sure this was right.

I took another test.

It said, "NOT Pregnant."

I took 3 more.

NOT Pregnant.

NOT Pregnant.

NOT Pregnant.

I sighed. [sigh]

I came out of the bathroom.

My husband said "And?"

"Not Pregnant."


I cried.

I thanked God, because I knew I couldn't handle it just yet.

I was relieved.

I was happy.

I was sad.

I am NOT pregnant.

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