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I’m an unimposing 5’3” inches tall when practicing proper posture. Which means I spend most of my time hunched over a pile of jeans looking for the “short” cut style when I'm shopping, and I’ve yet to actually see a band play on stage. But nothing could have prepared me for the challenges I’d face when pregnant when my height measured the same as my width...like a Teletubby.
What I mean is; take for example a jelly filled doughnut. Ask any baker who isn’t high as a kite, and they’ll tell you that two different sized donuts can’t accommodate the same volume of jelly. So the way I see it, the smaller doughnut has to s-t-r-e-t-c-h waaaay beyond it’s capacity; where the bigger (taller) doughnut, may hardly notice it's filling. The smaller doughnut may even require a bigger bag than usual. Do you get it? Short pregnant woman and tall pregnant woman carry their fillings differently and require different sized bags. It’s as simple as baked goods people!
So here’s my point (yes, there’s a point). 1) There should be specially designated areas in concert halls for short people, and 2) tall people like Gisele Bundchen should shut their doughnut holes. I’m sure Gisele is a very nice lady, and she and I may even have some things in common...like we both blink. But Gisele, babe, if you keep on telling the world that your hips didn’t require you to wear elastic pants during your pregnancy, someone’s going run over your knees with a Suburban.
Obviously Gisele benefits from good genes and an ongoing arrangement with Lucifer himself. Still, I can’t help but think the length of her torso gave her a leg up in the circumference department during her pregnancy (see paragraph #2 jelly-doughnut analogy). I’m not trying to be presumptuous and make the claim that tall women have an easier time holding form during pregnancy. I’m sure they have their struggles too. For instance, as a short woman, I didn’t have to reach down as far as my taller counter-parts when retrieving the dozens of Hostess Ding-Dongs I dropped on the floor while I was pregnant.
And really, it "didn’t hurt" when you delivered your son at home, in the bathtub, without painkillers? Which leads me to wonder; do supermodels have superpowers? I mean, I’m sure she’s the kind of gal who can tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, or crush beer cans with her boobs, but a drug-free, pain-free delivery? Really? What woman can do that? Someone might want to check Gisele’s mechanical parts and make sure they’re oiled; robots have a tendency to seize up pretty easily.
