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I was talking with Walter on the phone over the weekend. Walter and I went to college together but that was several relationships ago. Walter has recently met a new woman and we were dissecting the progress of the relationship. He said, “It’s different than it was with Valerie” and I said, “Walter, you and Valerie were 25 when you met. You had all the time in the world to hang out and talk and have sex” (some people call this grad school). I said, “Back then you wanted someone who was full of passion for you. Now you want someone to help you find your eyeglasses”. Walter was quiet a minute and then he said, “You know you’re right – I don’t want that kind of woman anymore” and I said, “That’s why Hillary Clinton will win the Democratic nomination”.
Walter said, “But Obama is the most popular guy on campus right now. All the kids are in love with him – even the Kennedy’s are backing him”. I said, “That’s because he tells them they can”. “Can what?” Walter asked. I said, “He hasn’t said exactly what it is they can do. He just keeps saying, yes they can. He’s Wally and the Snapper’s idea of a dream parent”. Walter said, “No wonder the Kennedy’s love him. The last time someone said no to them they raised the dead in Chicago”. And I said, “only the ones who were registered to vote”.
Walter wanted to know why I thought Hillary would take the nomination in the face of all the Obama adulation. I said, “Obama is like the guy you marry when you’re 20-something and restless for change. He’s good-looking, well spoken and because he’s half-black, he’s different than any man who’s run for president before. He inspires passion and adulation and makes you feel as if you’re a new and exciting person – a rebel almost – just by voting for him”. Walter said, “Sounds like your ex-husband”. Exactly. “But the problem with those kinds of relationships”, I said, “is that once the passion dies down you find their skill is rhetorical, not real”. Walter asked, “Is that why you divorced your ex?” and I said, “No, I divorced him because he told me to get my own ride to the hospital when I was in labor, because he was busy. But that’s another story”.
I called Annie after Walter hung-up to discuss the changes in his love-life. I said, “Walter is dating someone like Hillary Clinton” and Annie said, “She looks like Hillary Clinton??? That’s not good”. I said, “No, he’s dating a woman who’s been married before and who’s single parenting several kids and who doesn’t always have time to go out with him, but who loves him and is there for him when he needs it”. Annie said, “She sounds great – can I have her phone number?”. I said, “I told Walter his new girlfriend reminded me of Hillary because Hillary doesn’t always take the time to stroke her audience and make them feel good, but you know she’s smart and experienced enough to make the right decision. She may not hug you all the time, but she still has your back”. Annie thought about this a moment. She said, “So that’s why the over-40 crowd is trending towards Hillary, huh?” I said, yes. She asked, “Which means younger voters are going for the guy with the silver tongue” . I said, so did you at that age if I remember correctly and Annie sighed nostalgically. She said, “Do you think the fact that the Kennedy’s are endorsing Obama will hurt Hillary?” and I said, “Would you take relationship advice from the Kennedy’s?”.
Walter interrupted me with call waiting and I put Annie on hold. He said, “So let me get this straight: Obama is like the person you marry the first time round, when you’re young and passionate and Hillary is like the one you marry the second time round, when you’re older and smarter”. Uh-huh.
He said, “Okay, who’s the one you just screw around with then?” And I said, “If you want to get screwed, vote Republican”.
