Project Runway Recap: The Top 13 are starting to become distinguishable characters to me

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I'm starting to get the hang of this seasons contestants, and last night's episode went a long way toward solidying them in my mind, how about you? Except for the two who are totally indistinguishable from one another.

For example:

Joe is this year's straight guy, straight, dammit!! And like many of the other straight guys from other seasons (I'm talking to you Kevin) he has no personal style whatsoever.

Blayne so very much wants to be a Christian (as in Siriano, not the religion) but he's really just the creepy kid down the street. And why, WHY is no one mentioning skin cancer and premature aging. OK, references to his tanning addiction and "tanorexia" are clever, but seriously people!

Although "Suede loves hip hop", I believe the producers finally woke up like the rest of us to realize the fact that Suede's use of third person was designed solely to get him air time, and so this week he got none. Suede was sad.

Kenley mistakes her rather mundane obsession with Bettie Page for having true vision, and she has an annoying laugh.

Daniel is confused and whiny. But you be bummed too if your snuggle-bunny was eliminated after only 2 weeks. (I think they should eliminate Daniel too and send him off into the sunset with Wesley...it would make them happy, and put us out of Daniel's misery.)

Stella is like a female, fashion designer Joey Ramone. And really likes leathah!

Korto has a Chloe Dao-like childhood story of danger, escape and reinvention in the U.S.

Terri likes to act all street, but really don't you think she used to be like Whitney on A Different World? I can just see her all prim Southern belle and deciding that being all "Oh no he di'nt" would work better on TV.

Jerrell is really really thin. That is all.

Keith and Kelli got no air time at all, because apparently we got too close to them in other episodes?

And finally: Jennifer and Leanne are the same person. Leanne is Jennifer after cutting bangs and wearing braces. Seriously, don't these producers know how it screws it up when two rivals look too much the same?

Now that I've done my designer recap, let's get to the show recap. The challenge was to design an outfit for America's women athletes to wear for the Olympic Opening Ceremony. Of course, the winner won't really get to see that happen, it's just a convenient cross-promotion. Apolo Ohno this week's guest judge, now apparently has a reality show addiction as strong as Blayne's tanning addiction. I was so hoping they'd show him doing the Quick-step, not just speed skating around a rink :(

Seeing all the designers' work in process signaled pretty early that many of them had not. a. clue. Come on, people, have you not watched an Olympics? Those athletes don't walk around the track with the pouty strut of a runway model, they take to the track with a jaunty swagger that says "I could kick your ass!"

Anyway, here were the (mostly) disastrous results:

1. Korto kicked off with a somewhat futuristic looking outfit consisting of wide-legged white pants, a white tank top and a sleeveless open jacket with red, white and blue striped shoulders. Frankly, I didn't love it. I didn't think all that white would be completely flattering, especially since many Olympians are more muscle-bound than the average bear. It didn't scream athletic to me. I could see it on the runway (unlike a lot of this week's failures) but I could really see it on the track.

2. Suede followed with a completely ridiculous 2-piece outfit: A huge pouffy blue skirt with stripes around the bottom hem, and a plain white sleeveless turtleneck. Totally ridonkulous.

3. Kelli's outfit looked like how Holly Hobbie or Raggedy Ann would dress if she got a flight attendant's job. It was really quite bad. There was a navy skirt with white tim, and a red polka dot blouse with a big bow. Hideous. Totally Bottom 3 material, in my opinion, but then I might be saying that a lot in this recap.

4. Joe's outfit was the only outfit that was appropriate in my opinion. It was quite literally sportswear, and in a good way. There was a zip jacket with a cool zipper effect (he took apart one red and one blue zipper and matched one side from each together.) There was a sporty skort that was flattering and had some nice asymmetrical stripes to avoid being too literal. And the sleeves also had slightly angles stripes. I could imagine this outfit working very very well. And this is one time where I don't think being literal should count against him!

5. Leanne's wasn't bad. She had white shorts and a while sleeveless tunic with buttons at the very wide waistband. The stand-up collar was red, white and blue, but not in a cheesy way. I probably would have put this in the top 3 myself.

6. Daniel's was an abomination. It was a purply blue sheath dress with a red waistband...and then some very unfortunately places red striping on the skirt that looked like a runway to her crotch, where red buttons were places in a patter than made it look like a six-spot domino was emerging from said crotch. Really. It was crass. And totally inappropriate.

7. Jerrell's outfit was more musical theatre than athlete. There were the leggings. Then there was the navy striped pencil skirt. Then there was a puffy short-sleeved blouse with a big bow (what was it about the Olympics that screamed "Big Bow" to some of these designers?) Then, to top it all off, literally, there was a big ol' plantation hat. Can I use ridonkulous twice? because this was.

8. Stella's outfit looked about the same as last week's outfit for the nigh on the town challenge. If all our Olympians are skank hos than this should have won the day. Otherwise? I'm not really feeling the black satin cropped pants and black zip vest with leathah capped sleeves...with the exposed belly button and plunging neckline to boot. They're keeping her for comic effect at this point, right?

9. Keith produced a really short bubble skirt with a white vest, stand-up collar and blue and red scarves. Didn't look athletic at all. Wasn't really creative at all.

10. Terri's outfit had a lot of pieces: White pants, a navy striped jacket, a red, white and blue tube corset, some kind of gold tank that was mostly hidden by a big frouffy red stripey ascot thing. It was actually a nice outfit, less flight attendant, less bad cocktail dress than many of the others. Still not sure it screamed Olympics to me, but we were taking what we could get at this point.

11. Jennifer. Oh my. This evening wear featured a gold striped full skirt, a white top and a navy bolero with jeweled ornamentation across the neckline. And it still managed to be totally boring.

12. Blayne's outfit looked more Bond Girl than Olympian, but it wasn't as horrific as I expected. White cropped pants were paired with a one-shouldered white jacket with what looked like those ribbons the rhythmic gymnasts use sewn on. Could almost pass for athletic.

13. Kenley's outfit was yet the third ridonkulous outfit of the evening. A blue plaid high-waisted skirt with a wide belt and a white top. Cute little outfit for bettie page to wear. No Olympic inspiration in sight.

Although there were so many chices for the Bottom 3 and not enough for the Top, they managed to extract out the following:

Top 3:
Terri's smart suit
Korto's space age pant suit
Joe's outfit that looked like it could really be used for the task at hand

Bottom 3:
Daniel's atrocious button-crotch disaster
Jerrell's ridonkulous Southrn belle athlete
Jennifer's zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Korto took the win, with which I did NOT agree.
Jennifer was auf'ed, with which I DID agree.

And what did you think?

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