Project Runway Recap: The Top 14 Run Away to the Crazy Circus

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The Project Runway designers team up, and that's never pretty! Oh and also...being almost a week late with my recap isn't pretty either.

This episode kicks off with a sight I really hadn't expected to see: As though Heidi needed to be any taller and more Amazon-Goddess-like, she comes out on stilts. Big, tall stilts.

Project Runway stilts
Image Courtesy Lifetime

She tells the designers they'll need to think big. And then ALL the models come out on stilts. It's freaky, I won't deny it. And once you realize there are only seven freaky tall skinny models up there, you know that this is a Dreaded! Team! Challenge!

Yup, they're put into teams of two...using the button bag...and the teams look like this.

Bert and Viktor (With Viktor being really bummed about it, despite Bert having won challenge #1...that was a long time ago, beeyotches...in fashion one minute you're in, and the next you're AUF!)

Anthony and Laura (Color Blind Boy and Shallow Glam Girl who's been shopping at Nieman's since the single digits, people!!...can they fill in the missing pieces in each other's lives?)

Joshua and Julie (Nature Girl and Glam Boy...you do the math)

Danielle and Cecilia (Who?)

Anya and Oliver (Battle of the cool accents. But seriously...he grew up in the States, we learned, until he was a late teenager...how did he acquire this mysterious accent?)

Kimberly and Becky (Again...who?)

Bryce and Fallene (Oh, so sad...the loser duo)

For some reason it's a big deal that this will be the first runway show done outside (not sure why I care) and in front of audience and press (like the finales always are). I just wasn't as excited about these two "twists" as they all seemed to be.

What I am excited about is that, for the first time this season: We're off to Mood!! Yay Mood!!! Of course you know that the entire time they're at Mood (all 60 seconds of it) I'm on Swatch Watch. Will they show the adorable little bulldog mascot of the store?

And then, at the end, when all hope seemed lost: Swatch!!!! Thank you, Mood.

And I think you can all thank me, because I'm pretty sure every Swatch shot you see is because I have been such a tireless Swatch advocate.

So, now we get to the drama part, the actual team work. And here is what we learned this week about the designers we still barely know by name:

  • Viktor and Bert are like dueling children, full of "I know you are, but what am I" and "No you didn't, yes I did, no you didn't, yes I did, didn't, did, didn't, did..." OMFG, want to burst my eardrums, just so I don't have to listen to the petulance anymore. I was rooting for Bert at first, and he was probably even more right in this situation. But now? They just BOTH annoyed me.
  • Olivier, despite...or maybe because of...the mysterious accent sounds all smart sometimes. Like when he's talking about collaboration.
  • Apparently it is very very important to learn to cut fabric on grain. And apparently you can only learn this is fashion school.
  • Fallene is a crybaby. Every season has to have one.
  • Every season also has to have the person who spends all of his or her time working on one little detail, forcing his or her partner to run around trying to finish everything else. And if that one detail is good...that lazy-ass person will get all the credit and poor put-upon-partner will wind up looking like the loser. (This happens on shows like Design Star, too!) On this episode that person was Julie and her 12-hour jacket. Special extra credit foes to Fallene for her 12-hour FAILED top, which led to her tiny little head piece as her only contribution.

We move on to the exciting! outdoor! show! in Battery Park. Again, I'm unclear why they're doing this, and why it's so exciting.

Regular judges Heidi, MK, ninagarcia are joined by Kim Kardashian. Who I guess is coming out with a line of fashion for Sears next year (prompting her to sue Old Navy for using that KK look-alike in their ads).

Here we go. As always, click on the link under each designer pair's name to see the outfit I'm babbling about:

1. Joshua and Julie

Oh dear, talk about a costume. Or perhaps an anime character. This outfit consisted of black and white bric a brac pants, paired with a red bolero jacket with one big kimono sleeve, over a very shiny red tank. Perhaps the worst part was seeing the model walk away, because that's when you saw exactly how the bric a brac patterns didn't line up right down the center. Drawing all eyes to your ass with mis-matched patterns? Not a good look. .

2. Bert and Viktor

They were so lucky they had a Carol Burnett lookalike as a model, given they asked her to reenact the infamous Scarlett O-Hara curtain scene. OK, she didn't eally look like Burnett. But the clothes did look like curtains or upholstery, or maybe bed linens. Maybe they have a future in home goods. A gold and burgundy brocade strapless peplum was paired with an iridescent skirt. over matching pants. There was a useless tulle dust ruffle of gold at the top of bodice. If you think that sounds like a hot mess, just click on the link.

3. Bryce and Fallene

Poor, sad Bryce and Fallene. I didn't think this was as egregious as some of the other offerings, but only because it was too simple to be egregious. A big black tutu with a little black strappy tube top over long black pants. With a tie for a waistband. And aforementioned cute little red hair piece.It was doomed in its simplicity because again: We're not talking Armani or CK. We're talking Forever 21.

4. Becky and Kimberly

Featuring very well-tailored (and very long) olive pants and a one-shouldered military jacket with striped and gold buttons, this was a bit Cirque du Soleil-ish for me. And for the judges. Although I wouldn't blame the designers if they were thinking: What? Come on, they're on STILTS. Quite impeccably crafted, just a bit too on the costume side.

5. Anya and Olivier

Despite all their smart talk with cool accents, their outfit was disappointingly drab and simple. And not Armani or Calvin Klein simple. Kind of Big Love or Amish simple. There was this Monet-like fabric used for the jumpsuit, and then a few strips of gray fabric overlaid on top. Very blah.

6. Cecilia and Danielle

How this ended up not getting trashed is something my viewing companion and I may never understand. This, to me, was the worst outfit of all. Sheer turquoise high-collar blouse with 3/4 blousey sleeves, paired with chiffon, heavily pleated copper-colored pants. And Gibson Girl hair. Drab, figure unflattering, old-fashioned. Oh, I'll jut say it: Ugly. Judges, what were you thinking?

7. Anthony and Laura

To my viewing companion and me, this was the obvious, hands-down look of the night. The long red flowy skirt over palazzo pants were fine, but what really made it was the top. At first glance it looked like a red strapless bustier, but there was actually sheer tulle that enabled them to create these and leafy, feathery shoulder pads. Those were whimsical and fantastic.

In the end , this was the judges' Top 3:

Anthony and Laura: Well, like I said: Obvious.

Cecilia and Danielle: WHAT????? MK did say the hair was "cuhrazy", and ninagarcia that it was too quiet. So how did it end up here?

Becky and Kimberly: Their high scores were all about the pants (made by Kimberly), even though the jacket collar was too circusy (made by Becky).

The Bottom 3 was:

Bert and Viktor: Yeah, they all got their wallpaper and curtains jokes in there.

Bryce and Fallene: This was derided as a "Black Swan outfit that took 15 minutes to make". They liked the hair thing, which made me quake in my boots that useless Fallene would be saved because she pinned some feathers to the model's hair.

Joshua and Julie: Dismissed as a "circus matador" look. Ah yes, that look. Not one of my faves.

The Winners (obvs) were Anthony and Laura, with Laura getting the immunity.

Fallene and Viktor were in the bottom 2, and unsurprisingly Fallene was auf'ed. Which works for me.

So, what did you think? Any favorites yet? I'm struggling to identify one myself, what about you?


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