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"The horror, the horror!" -- aka, The Real People Episode
So, this episode of Project Runway kicks off with the guys gloating that with Becky gone, there are so many many more of them than the girls. They are gloating by referencing iconic gay anthems, namely "Another One Bites the Dust" (OK, maybe not an iconic gay anthem, but sung by an iconic gay dude) and "It's Raining Men." (No parenthetical disclaimer required on that one. Only: Did you know Paul Shaffer wrote "It's Raining Men"? It's funny because it's true.)
Anyhoo, this week Heidi freaks everyone out by bringing out not only real! people! with real! bodies! as their next clients. But the clients! are! dudes!!!
As KingJosh so succinctly puts it: "Bigger waistlines means more money." (Because you need more fabric, in case that wasn't obvious.)
It's rather comforting that they freak out about big men, not just big women, actually. As they start picking guys, it's clear they are picking because they think they're designing for them, with last week's winner Anya picking the slimmest dude. Of course, we know from the commercials that they're designing for the wives and girlfriends of the guys.
Image courtesy Lifetime TV
Olivier seems the most stricken because he, and I quote: "Doesn't want to make clothes for fat people." Why'd you ever move back to the States, sweetie?
They finally break the welcome news that they won't be creating menswear to the designers; the guys will drive the design process, but they'll get the women's real measurements. And they'll have two days for the challenge.
And a challenge it will be indeed, if the initial client consultations are any indication:
Viktor asks his client: "What store would she shop from?" He doesn't know.
Laura asks her client: What colors doesn't she like?" He doesn't know.
Bert's client only manages to convey that his gal is boobalicious. And he likes that. A lot.
KingJosh's dude wants his woman to be plain and simple, which makes him sound a little on the jealous and controlling side, if you ask me.
Bryce's client wants Bryce to create something simultaneously "cutesy, elegant, girly and in pink." And doesn't see the conflicts therein.
Anthony's dude wants to replace a dress he lost. I'd like to hear the story of how you lose a dress, but the idea of replicating an existing dress doesn't exactly spell high fashion. And BTW: His wife likes vintage and red and black.
Olivier exposes his absolutely-not-latent fear of women because oh my god: He doesn't want women to have boobs. It's a distraction. He is very disturbed that his client has "ginormous" ones. Those boobs to him are "trouble." Look, I could spend an hour analyzing this guy and how many ways he seems to have been traumatized as a child, but it's just not funny because it's so serious.
They go to Mood where that can spend 30 minutes and $200, but they don't show Swatch, so I don't care. No thanks to you, Mood!
Back in the workroom, the Project Runway team is deciding to suddenly go all educational on us.
First we learn all about "style lines" and how they help designers visualize what they're going to create.
Then we learn that when a man places his face between a woman's breasts and shakes his head around making a noise it's called "motorboating." (Courtesy of Bert's dude.)
I'm learning so much.
Laura's model shows up and is slender and attractive, to which Laura says "Thank God," and also "How did he snag her?" -- not perpetuating stereotypes at all. We also learn that her model has 16 brothers and sisters, and that she wants to be Barbie. Good thing she's working with GlamLaura.
Viktor's model shows up, and she is basically dressed how he's designing. On one hand: Perfect alignment. On the other: If she's already wearing it, it can't really be innovative fashion, can it?
We learn that Anthony's dude left his wife's dresses in an airport.
We learn that KingJosh's dude was actually right that his wife wanted it simple.
We learn that Olivier doesn't actually want to be a designer who designs for clients. His big ego is getting in the way. He doesn't want to take direction. He only wants to design for models who just wear it and shut up.
Then we get to Bryce. Bryce fabric is ugly Pepto pink. He wants to dye it. I guess they made Viktor not say "Pepto," instead opting for "anti- diarrheal." Gee, thanks. And we learn that it makes Viktor want to go to the bathroom.
