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I'm a 35 year old Indian/American woman living in the Midwest.  I have a Masters in Fine Arts in Writing from Columbia University and I have a n...
 
 
 
 

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Gay Marriage and The Pursuit of Unhappiness

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I've become more liberal as I get older.  I think that the more 'spiritual' I get the less 'religious' I get.  And the more I think about things, things like marriage, I start to think that they are constructions of society, they are not necessarily 'natural.'

 

I mean, that doesn't mean that I don't want to get married.  It's just that I think that I know so many people who are married, and many of them are quite happy, but sometimes it feels like, when I look at the divorce rate and the couples that are unhappy, that the way we construct marriage as it is, is not always the greatest thing.

 

Then I look at gays who want the right to get married.  Just like I don't know if I believe that religion is the greatest thing, everyone has the right to practice their religion.  Just like that, everyone should of course have the right to get married.

 

I guess I haven't really addressed the gay marriage issue yet because, well honestly, I don't understand why it's an issue at all.  New York made a monumental decision the other day to allow gay marriage.  But really was it that monumental, or was it more like something that was long overdue?

 

I've been thinking and thinking about this issue and I want to say something unique, not just the obvious, that everyone should be treated equally and given equal rights etc.  But what else is there really to say?

 

If it is your religion that is telling you that gay marriage is wrong, than don't become gay and get married.  That might sound stupid and simple and sideways...but if you disagree with this new legislature I don't know how to talk to you.

 

And I want to talk to you.  I have friends and relatives who think like you, who don't like the idea of the existence of homosexuals.  I love these people, and I hate these particular views that they have.

 

But I think we should still have this conversation.  Don't tune me out.

 

All I'm saying is that this does not affect you if you are not gay.  Let them get married, they should have the right to be as miserable as the rest of us, right?

 

I'm serious when I say that people should have the right to be unhappy.  When Thomas Jefferson said that everyone has the right to the Pursuit of Happiness, perhaps he should have added the Pursuit of Unhappiness.

 

I personally don't think being gay is a choice that one makes and that a person wakes up one morning thinking that the choice is going to make them happy.  I think it is a thing that just is, whether it be biological or whatever, and people accept it within themselves even if it will make them unhappy.

 

When homosexuals come out of the closet, it's not always happy.  But who are we to judge what's happy, what's good and what's not.  Inside, when someone comes out of the closet, they may feel true happiness for the first time in their entire lives.

 

Maybe I'm going around in circles a bit here.  What I want to say is, if you think that someone is going to go to hell for their actions, let them go to hell.  They have the right to go to hell.

 

But if you are like me and don't really believe in hell, then you probably don't believe in condemning people.

 

My mother, the other day, said that she didn't think that gay marriage is natural.  She's a doctor, nothing she does to prolong people's lives is 'natural.'  What is 'natural,' barbaric behavior?  Nothing we do anymore is natural.  I'm typing my thoughts onto a machine, this is completely unnatural.

 

But it feels like the right thing.  I think if you were to ask a homosexual person how they first knew they were gay, they might tell you that it just felt right.

 

It definately doesn't feel right to discriminate against someone who is just listening to their heart.

 

nina

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MissAbbyA 5 pts

I agree completely with this post. I am just so tired of the gay argument (I've had it with my conservative- LDS- mother one too many times). I wish people would just come to their senses and realize that gay marriage should not be a religious argument in any way. Marriage is a right. Everyone should be privy to it. Period.

I really like your blog, by the way. I just started reading it this morning.

Abby Adams

www.missabbya.blogspot.com

cdrdash 6 pts

This sort of struck a chord with me. If I had been able to get married to my now ex girlfriend, divorce would have been much easier than it was to get a dissolution of my domestic partnership with her. So ... in essence ... I sorta do want the right to pursue unhappiness in the guise of getting married and then getting a divorce with all the legal rights that divorcing heterosexuals get (federal tax advantages mostly).

Cathy  R.

ninau 5 pts

Sometimes I think I'm anti-marriage as well, but if someone told me I couldn't get married because of the color of my skin or my sexual orientation, I would be outraged. Even though I am straight and unmarried, remember that saying, "If there is a man (or woman) lying in chains anywhere, none of us are free."

nina

ninau 5 pts

I love the fact that you are a Justice of the Peace, we need more people that are not afraid to be in powerful positions and have controversial conversations. Thank you.

LizaWasHere 5 pts

Thanks for having these conversations, especially with people like your mother. Those conversations make a difference, even if you don't see it right away.

(My wife and I have been non-legally married for 8.5 years, and have two children, aged 5 & almost 3.)

Liza Barry-Kessler
Personal: LizaWasHere ( http://www.lizawashere.com/ )
Professional: Privacy Counsel LLC ( http://www.privacycounsel.net/ )

Lovebabz 5 pts

I liked this post because it opens the door for me to say this: If you believe that all people are created equal then whatever rights are enjoyed by the masses have to be enjoyed by all. No fucking exceptions, exclusions, or discrimination.

Did you know that Jesus never spoke on homosexuality at all. There is nothin gin the bible that speaks to Jesus having an opinion one way or the other. Anyway, it is not about the shared experience of pain...to me marriage is indeed a beautiful thing..sacred...committed and abiding. I want that for myself and I am not Gay. I had it once and know just how splendid it was and can be. I remain a optimistic hopeful romantic.

Did I mention I am a Justice of The Peace in Connecticut. I am. And I would happily speak the vows of joining folks in holy matrimony!

You see as a woman of Color, the same arguments used to bar Same Sex Couple was used to bar Black Folks from marriage, education, buying property, worshiping God and so many many ignorant discriminatory acts. Not too mention we weren't even considered fully human. So Yeah I am way beyond sympathetic to the civil rights cause of my Gay Sisters and Brothers.

For whom the bell tolls...it tolls for thee...and me.

Be loving & Be in LOVE

CatieD 5 pts

I really really liked this post. My religion is against gay marriage and i understand their take on it perfectly. I personally don't care whether gay people get married or not. Unless they live in Hollywood in which case I think ALL marriage should be banned.

Anyway, I do care if people are happy or not and I couldn't agree with you more when you say that if your religion tells you not to be gay and married then don't be gay and married.

We can't have it all. But we should all have equal rights. This I believe.

Denise 9 pts moderator

I'm a lesbian who is anti-marriage in general.

I am, however, pro-choice in all things. People should all have the right to go out and make their own happiness, without anyone - or anything standing in the way.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager
Life. Flow. Fluctuate.