Putting the WAH! in WAHM

Perfect and eloquent, Stacy, just as one would expect.  I only HOPE one day I can experience all this AND an actual paycheck!  Ha!  Please keep doing what you do so well.  We would miss you.  And sorry from those of us on the west coast; we miss a lot on the other end of the world.  xo

Thanks for this post...I've never read anyone capturing my own experience so well (especially the bits about menu planning, errands and getting dressed). I'm so glad I'm not alone! I've been working at home since 1999. I feel like I am always "on" and have an incredibly hard time separating work from home. Every once in awhile I think...I'm going change things up and work at the office....but then, something always happens to remind me of how great the conveniences that you mentioned are (kid sick, husband sick or traveling, unexpected visitors). So, I really do (wearily) count my blessings. Thanks again.

I find this so fascinating because working at home is such a longtime dream of mine, yet I worry that when it happens (and it will happen!), I will be disappointed.

The upside is, I now have a day job and do my true work, my writing, from home.

That creates even more imbalance....and makes my husband hate my laptop. On the one hand, I have no apologies--I am finally doing what makes me the happiest I've ever been professionally, but on the other hand, I sometimes have to force myself to shut it off and not just pretend to watch The Daily Show while secretly typing. (At least I'm deluded into thinking it's secret--it isn't). Sometimes it bleeds into areas of my life that I used to enjoy. So I can see how much more challenging it can be full time.

I remember trying to find work/other balance when I worked at home, in my own full-time editing business. Without a child, of course, the reasons were different. That said, my dad worked at home from the time I was in high school, my sister in middle school, and it was really pretty easy: he went into his office at 9, came out only for scheduled breaks, and came downstairs for dinner at ~6, if not at 5, and that was that until the next morning.

Differences: we were older than your son (in school all day, no outside caretaker); he is a dad, not a mom (she worked at a local elementary school, so was home by about 4, so a parent was around most of the afternoon). I do remember dad coming down to share an after-school snack (his 3:00 coffee break) when I arrived home.

When I went to college (commuting from “home”), I had a 4-day class schedule, and once or twice a season I could convince Dad to take a weekday to ski with me—great memories decades later!

One thing I stronly suggest is separating your office/your son’s playroom; it is confusing and unfair to both ofyou, and to your company/clients, to have that confusion of space. He deserves full-time access to his toys, you deserve uninterrupted worktime and privacy. Shared space makes that especially hard.

I've enjoyed/endured various choreographed realities of a WAHM/WOHM since 2004. I love being reminded that I am not the only one trying to make things work without the benefit of concrete indicators that I am working, or momming, or meing.

It is indeed a luxury, but one that we pay for dearly. I like what Rita Arens said about revealing and sharing what she is doing. I once took vide of trying to type something while my 7 year old practiced her reading skills, reading as I typed. It perfectly captured how absurd it can sometimes be.

Great post!

Hats off to you, Stacy. I don't think I could do it.

I've just gone back to work at a new job after being off work and then back and then off while we moved. My son got used to having me around and now on weekday mornings I get the "are you going to work?" question and sad face. It breaks my heart. But I couldn't stay at home with him and I know I'd find working at home so tough. I probably wouldn't, actually - I'd be a Starbucks or library regular, I think.

Great post.

oh man. i feel so much better about myself knowing that the former editor of redbook has the same struggles!! i recently switched over from working in an office to working from home and that alone was a struggle for me. i really miss the social space of an office, and the intellectual interactions. i also miss venting to people who know my field. my poor husband now fields all those venting conversations.

and now we're expecting our first, and so many people say to me, "you're so lucky!! you can work from home!!" which would be fine except having a crying newborn in the background of a conference call isn't really something that people are down with. i admit that there will some awesome benefits, but i also think it's really going to take a lot of planning and discipline, and some significant daytime hours with a babysitter on hand.

(and i, too, miss dressing up. i never stood on a red carpet, but going from conference wear to daily yoga pants and no make-up makes me feel less glamorous.)

I am so glad that I am not the only person whose office is in the playroom! :)

Oh this is good! I just gave up my office space and I haven't found balance yet. The chores are my biggest distraction right now. They mock me every time I venture out of the office door into the rest of the house.

I'm reading this while in Tampa at the All-State music convention. There are moms with laptops, books, and Starbuck's cups all over the hotel lobby waiting for their children to finish band,chorus or orch. rehearsal. This morning I wrote a post for my blog, then I walked around Tampa and took pictures for future posts. Loved that I could be here for my son and work at the same time. I try to weave the two together as much as I can. Granted my son's at an age where he'd rather have lunch with his friends than mom ... at least I'm here and he'll remember that. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't sep. my days work and home like I used to. I give myself the freedom to stop work for my kids and then get back to it. It's easier on me that way.

P.S. I love this post, did I say that? Stacy, you have got to create an animated short of his love notes. This is one for his rehearsal dinner! !

Working from home, which I have done regularly since my 15-year-old was born, is the hardest thing that I've ever done, other than give birth. Honestly, the stress I have felt being pulled between two worlds can make me feel like I'm failing at both! The best solution I've found is to protect dinner time. When I was only WAHMing, I tried never to work between 5 or 6 p.m. (depending on the day) and 9 p.m. when they should be in bed. As a working parent, making that time sacred that matters more to me than anything -- I'm happy to make up the time as necessary on weekends.

I struggle with this myself. I've been very good as of late at ending my day at the end of my day. But I still feel guilt when they ask me to do something and I'm literally knee deep in something for work. The balance is hard, but I hope some day they are able to recognize it for what it was: their mom trying the best that she could.

For me the hardest part of working from home was realizing that because I was actually, you know, working, I shouldn't hold myself to inflated expectations to also keep the house clean, the laundry done, the meals planned and prepped, etc. etc. For a long time I thought that because I was at home I should be doing more housework than I finally realized I was physically capable of doing--thanks to that damn inflexible space-time continuum--because I was WORKING. It's hard to not always feel responsible for both work-life and home-life when both are right there in my face all the time. It helps that I now have a kid old enough to remind me: "Mom, you need to stop working on that computer and come play with me. Right. Now."

It is hard to find that separation even when you don't have kids. Or when you live alone. It's really easy just to sit down and think "Oh, I'll just check my email" and then the next thing you know you've been there for two hours.

No one brings me notes. I might need to try slipping those to the fake husband when he's stuck like glue to his computer.

The brain embolism part and the ransom notes -- priceless!

Love the ransom notes! My daughter does that to me when I'm on a "long" phone conversation: anything over 10 minutes! It's tough to do WAHM, but there are some great perks, too. Thanks for sharing the ups and downs.

As you well know, I hear your pain in so many ways. My biggest adjustment when I started working for BlogHer in 2009 was my daughter, her neighbor friends, etc. not understanding that even though I was sitting right there, I wasn't available. After two years, she is more or less trained, but it was a tough first year -- a VERY tough first year. I never had trouble with my co-workers -- I still remember the time I was on a conference call with five people at 4:30 pm CT and I was in such a rush to get my girl in the door while I was talking that I slammed her fingers in the door and she howled so loud even if I hadn't been on the phone they would've heard it in California. I blushed in professional embarrassment. Their response? A collective "awwwwww!"

The problems have been totally more her understanding that I'm not trying to be "away" but that I'm technically "not home yet" before the workday has ended. It breaks my heart when she begs, "Please let me stay home, I won't bother you!" on a snow day or teacher in-service day, because it's not that she bothers me as a person -- I just can't concentrate when she is walking in and out every ten seconds. But it bothers me that she thinks she bothers me.

One thing that's made it easier for me is to show her some of what I'm doing. Not anything age-inappropriate, but I'll let her help me look for an image to illustrate a post or ask her to read what's left on my list. I also make room for her in the office -- I let her play on the desktop while I work on my laptop on the easy chair instead of at the desk. Then we're together, at least. But yes, if you're at home, you're the one who gets saddled with every unexpected emergency and whining child moment. And that part kind of sucks.

I, too, am a recent WAHM and can totally relate. I miss getting dressed and talking to people...the random "Hello" is something I never thought I'd miss. Then, I have a very hard time turning work off and becoming Mommy again, because you're right, you can really only be one place at a time, even if you work from home.