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Sparkle (0)
I have the most amazing step-kids. Ever.
The more time I have spent googling step-parents, step-moms, step-anything and everything I have realized that a lot of the material out there focuses on what happens when the kids can't or don't relate to you as a step-parent or if they are disobedient or blatantly rude to you and how YOU can handle it.
A lot of the information is based on the step-parent taking a step back, letting the natural parent provide the discipline and being the one to make most, if not all, major decisions.
I, frankly, think that is a lot of BS.
Because I happen to love, LOVE, a man that has 2 kids that aren't mine, I'm supposed to not handle it? To step aside and just be along for the ride? Ha.
My step-kids know that there are a great many things they can ask their Dad. They also know that any major decision gets run through me first and that their Dad will most likely if he knows whats good for him default his decision to match mine. I have no qualms about giving my opinion and setting the rules.
It is my home too.
What amazes me, though, is that I can honestly say that from the time both of my step-kids stepped foot into our home, I have never felt disrespected or taken advantage of. These kids hug me, they tell me they love me, they tell me good night and good morning and they are always, always, saying thank you.
Even my husband commented the other morning when Rachelle gave me a hug good-bye before heading out to the school bus. It surprised him that she would do that so quickly. And if I'm being honest, it surprises me too.
Cause here's the thing....although it felt awkward for me and I was walking on uncharted grounds, I give them hugs and tell them that I love them. Because I do love them but moreso, I want them to know that, as the woman figure in their life, this is what we do. I didn't want them to miss out on that just because they live with their Dad.
I appreciate my relationship with my step-kids. Their attitude and behavior are what makes this all the more easy to adjust to.
The same, however, does not apply to their mother. Who manages to conjure up these same feelings of disrespect, manipulation and control that the articles I read refer to, and she is over 8 hours and 2 states away.
I fight a daily struggle to keep her off my mind. Because the truth of the matter is, is that she means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. She is just someone I am putting up with for the time being.
Because I know that if I walked away from all of this right now - I'd never have to hear anything about her ever again. But if I walked away, gave up, then I'd also miss out on the life that I share with my husband, the family we have and the good times the 5 of us share. She's not worth that sacrifice.
I know when the youngest of her kids turns 18 - she will be out of my life forever (four-ev-errr!).
And what I'd like her to understand is that I am raising her kids. That because of her criminal actions and abundance of stupidity, they are no longer with her.
I am financially, emotionally, physically and mentally supporting her kids. And loving them like they are my own.
And I'm not asking for accolades or gifts or coffee (although that would totally rock!)
What I am asking for is a little appreciation. Buck up, lady!, and show some damn appreciation. And while you're at it, respect.
