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AV Flox is a Peruvian transplant living in Los Angeles. She is the editrix-in-command of Sex and the 405, a site that shows you what your newspaper w...
 
 
 
 

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Assumptions and How Race Isn't Visible

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“BLACK PARENTS GIVE BIRTH TO WHITE BABY!” screamed the headline on the Sun. I devoured the tale of Ben and Angela Ihegboro, a Nigerian couple who recently gave birth to a blond baby, despite having no known mix in their racial histories. Doctors at Queen Mary's Hospital in England, where the baby was born, have told the parents the baby is not an albino.

I scoured the Internet for other articles on the subject. This wasn't the usual details binge, because while I am a consummate tabloid consumer, this was more about identity than anything else. You see, my heritage is mixed. I was born in Peru to a mother of mixed Hispanic and European heritage, and a father of Hispanic and Asian heritage.

I have a photo of my parents on my desk. They're both brown-eyed and dark-haired. They're permanently tan, but that's neither here nor there because so am I, even if my tan is occasionally artificial. They're both well-built because my father plays soccer and basketball, and my mother is a volleyball champion –- something I failed to inherit also. My sister is brown-haired and brown-eyed, and she has my mother's family body-type. She's very curvy. The quintessential Latina look. And she also plays sports, so she's strong and well-defined.

In the Russian roulette game of genetics, I came out fair-skinned and haired and green-eyed, and while this coloring is common in my mother's family, my body type is more similar to that of my father's –- tall, svelte, and leggy. Which means, essentially, that I look like I don't entirely belong in either family.

I never really thought about this as a child because by the time I was old enough to consider "being different," we'd moved to an island in the Pacific so diverse in population, that everyone was different. My three closest friends were a blond and blue-eyed Caucasian, a Pacific Islander, and a Cantonese.

It wasn't until I went to Russia at 17 that I experienced what it means to truly be lost in the crowd. I will never forget it. For the first time in my life, I was "one of them." Funny, because beyond my love of Russian literature, a vague understanding of Cyrillic by virtue of studying Koine Greek in high school, and a deep appreciation of vodka, I didn't really know anything about Russian culture. But I was accepted at first glance. No one treated me like a tourist even though my Russian was hardly conversational.

This all reminds me of an incident that unfolded some time ago here in Los Angeles at a fast food restaurant where I happened to stop to get lunch. The women behind the counter were casually speaking to one another in Spanish. I ordered a burger and fries and one of them said to the other -– still in Spanish -– that I really needed it. And the other responded that the "gringa" would probably eat it and then go vomit. The discussion went on from there, all of the employees looking over at me as I stood by smiling and pretending to be oblivious.

Until I got my meal, that is. Then, in my most obnoxious Spanish –- employing "thou" and everything –- I asked for the employees names and requested to speak to a manager. I remained composed, but I was furious. That's the thing about race –- we like to think it's visible and a lot of times, it isn't.

I am Peruvian. It took me a while to get to an emotional place where I could say that, because I am what sociologists call a "third culture kid," someone, who by spending such a significant amount of time among other cultures, has integrated elements of these and their birth culture into a third culture that is distinct from the originals. But it was never a question of what I looked like.

It shouldn't be a question of what you look like –- not when it comes to your country and, certainly, not when it comes to family. As a writer, I can tell you with all authority that it's not about the book's cover, it's about the soul that lives on those pages inside.

Let the birth of Nmachi Ihegboro be a reminder of that to all of us.

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multiainjo 5 pts

Very interesting article. I also agree the word should just not be used. But I sense how some use it with their own power.

These two woman make my blood boil. I'd be interested to see how they respond. I'd like to get 'their side' of this story because I hope I'm just not being charitable and they have an excellent point to make.

You can find me at http://accidentalreflections.blogspot.com/ 

Wayetu 5 pts

I am a third culture kid also. There is a book that really looks into the definition and social characteristics of these children called "Third Cultured Kids" by Ruth van Reken. It is difficult to claim a race, culture or ethnicity when you don't feel emotionally or physically connected to them. However, having dual-exposure and access to a variety of cultures because of your place in the middle provides a quite beautiful experience and outlook on the world.

www.wayetumoore.com ( http://www.wayetumoore.com )

GeekMommy 5 pts

As a very pale gal, I used to bleach my waist length hair to a near white-blonde.
I also lived with my very pale, red-headed freckled roommate in a very Hispanic neighborhood.
I experienced more than once people speaking Spanish in front of me as if they believed that my skin color prohibited my understanding them.
There was a bit of a giggle over being labeled 'la blanca bruja' by the guys hanging out at the local garage.
But I did politely explain to more than one group of people talking about me in front of me that I understood exactly what they were saying.
Just as I've enlightened more than one friend that speaking English in a foreign country does not mean you are having a private conversation.

We so often confuse DNA with culture and education. It's bizarre, actually.

Lucretia (aka GeekMommy) Raising a child in a digital world, still a digital girl

roepkehoney 5 pts

for a beautiful baby. AV, you sent a good message in your writing.

DonnaFreedman 5 pts

My daughter has very dark hair, very fair skin and a strong nose. People sometimes ask "What are you?" They've guessed everything from Israeli to Greek to Hispanic to mulatto.
Frankly, she's a mutt because her mom's a mutt. My dad did some family tracing and found German, French, Dutch, Irish and Cherokee, and possibly some African-American. But her looks are so striking that people feel they need to pin her down. She's not generic-American enough.

fourreasons 5 pts

That's a great story, really well told. I like how you fit in so much information without it getting boring.

Melissa Ford 5 pts

I second that, as someone who has endured being asked "where are you from" (er...here?) her entire life. People do get terribly uncomfortable and therefore won't let it drop if they're not getting the answer they want.

Melissa writes Stirrup Queens ( http://stirrup-queens.com ) and Lost and Found ( http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.c... ). Her book is Navigating the Land of If ( http://thelandofif.blogspot.com/ ).

multiainjo 5 pts

This piece thoroughly affected me. I am an adopted woman of Nigerian-Norwegian and Swedish ethncities. But I was raised by an African-American father and a Native-American-Norwegian mother.

I actually looked like no one in my adopted family on either side. My father's side, all the women were tall and thin, leggy like you. On my adopted mother's side the women were all very short and very petite.

I was average height (so short to my dad's side, tall to my mom's side). And I definitely have curves with a capital "C".

I have since met my biological mother who is the Scandinavian side, and I now know where I get my curves.

I have since married an Irish-American man and I have a daughter who looks just like me but darker with straight hair and a son who is light, with greenish/hazel eyes.

To make a longer story longer, I so understand what you mean.

You can find me at http://accidentalreflections.blogspot.com/ 

miguelina 5 pts

Beautifully said, AV.

I laugh when people tell me I look like I could be anything - Moroccan, Italian, Iranian, Mexican, whatever - because the truth is, all of us could be. People get uncomfortable when they can't label you.

If I'm not here ( http://www.blogher.com/blog/miguelina ), I'm at my blog ( http://www.everydaytreats.com/ ) or on Twitter ( http://twitter.com/miguelina )

Dawn 5 pts

As the white Mom of a bi-racial daughter, I can't tell you how many times I was asked "When did you get her" when Em was an infant. In VERY white New Hampshire, there was no possible way a nice upper middle class lady had given BIRTH to this baby.

We moved to Montreal in 2006 - and my little Bi-racial American daughter is now soaking in Franco-Canadian Culture - in a true melting pot city.

She now has friends who don't believe her when she says she is Black (due to the vast mixture of cultures in Montreal)

One of the things Terrance and I talked about before Em was born was the genetic roulette wheel of what she would look like. We knew she could be as dark as him, or darker...and as light as me. So we were prepared, unlike this couple!

Kelly Wickham 5 pts

Even though I'm not Hispanic I understand Spanish well enough to know when I've been talked about at my local (and favorite!) Mexican restaurant and, so far, they've not said anything worth reporting except to mention my green eyes. But I feel you on the not-fitting-in thing because as a mulatto I grew up in a Hispanic neighborhood and went to Catholic school and the Jewish Community Center for day care. It makes me embrace it all the more fully as an adult.

I don't envy you feeling like an outsider because that is particularly painful. I do, however, envy your leggy statue. That's just not fair. ;-)

Link Text ( http://www.mochamomma.com )

JennaHatfield 9 pts

There are many reasons why I love this piece. Thank you for writing it.

Jenna Hatfield (@FireMom ( http://twitter.com/FireMom )), from Stop, Drop and Blog ( http://stopdropandblog.com ) and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land ( http://thechroniclesofmunchkinland.com ), is a freelance writer and newspaper photographer.

fweetieb 5 pts

Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your article.

Fweetieb Blog: http://justfweetieb.blogspot.com

reona32 5 pts

I know people who look exactly like the stereotype for their race and have never even stepped foot into their cultural homeland or know basic facts about the country. In another century or two, we may no longer be able to rely on the physical triggers that we think come with a certain race or ethnicity. With people migrating easily across the plant and the free flow of information, we’re losing that sharp edge of distinctiveness. Someday, it will erode away completely. Being born someplace and identifying with it will come to mean less to us then it does now.

mimitabby 5 pts

I grew up in a neighborhood that was very ethnic. All my life I heard that I looked Irish, Jewish, or Polish. But I'm not. I have 100% Southern Italian ancestry. Even though the comments were not meant to be cruel, it hurt. I wanted to look ITALIAN! Because that's what I am.

I love your story about the burger. I wish I could have seen their faces!

Nordette Adams 6 pts

I enjoyed the piece. This statement:
As a writer, I can tell you with all authority that it's not about the book's cover, it's about the soul that lives on those pages inside.
That's so true, and I could expound, but not today. :-)

Nordette Adams ( http://www.bookotopia.com ) is a BlogHer CE ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) & you can find her other stuff through Her 411 ( http://her411.com ).