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I was raised by sadists or at least they seemed like sadists. The sexist, Roman Catholic sadists! Are there any other kinds? Of course there are, I know, I know! Please don't write me about the other kinds of sadists. But, I’m sure you will agree: how we were raised, the messages that we grew up hearing over and over, the good and the horrible, affected us.
It helps to be aware of the core lessons we were taught, even when we think we totally disagree with them. Some of these “truths” include messages like these: “women should be pretty and agreeable” or “it’s a sin to satisfy your own appetite rather than serving the needs of others,” or “girls should never talk back to males in authority.” Not all of us were taught these deflating ideas directly; either way, such messages, or something like them, were sent and they landed in our unconscious.
You may want to know what, exactly, is the good news about these insights? What we learn, we can unlearn. I'm going to share the top six ways you can identify, name and then fire your worst critics, (some of whom remain only in your mind).
All beliefs taught to you by people of influence are placed in your mind as securely as if you were some character from The Manchurian Candidate. They are done so as successfully as if you were brainwashed not by “foreign enemies” but by your FOO, TOO and COO. Family of Origin, Traditions of Origin and Culture(s) of Origin.
Ask yourself the following questions (below).[1]Do this ten times for each question until you have 60 answers. After 60, you will get the sense of the over-arching messages that still operate in your mind, I promise.
1. A Your Family’s Last Name must never (X) _________________ (finish this sentence 10 times with different answers for “X”).
2. A Your Family’s Last Name must always (X) ________________ (finish this sentence 10 times with different answers for “X”).
For the following questions, just fill in the blank with 10 different answers for each question below:
3. Growing up, my religious (or non-religious) tradition taught me that a good girl must always____________________ (fill in 10 different answers for each blank).
4. My religious (non-religious) tradition taught me that a good girl must never ____________________ (fill in 10 different answers for each blank).
5. The messages I get from popular culture – the news media, magazines, TV/movies, advertising – are that successful women must always ___________________ (fill in 10 different answers for each blank).
6. The messages I get from popular culture are that successful women must never ___________________ (fill in 10 different answers for each blank).
By answering these questions above, you should have 60 lessons — some of which you still consciously value and utilize as your chosen ethics or sense of what is “right and wrong.” That does not have to be a problem. But, the other values, those you think no longer reflect your values, may continue to operate in your life. You may feel certain that these “old moral mandates” no longer drive you now that you are older and wiser. But, that is your conscious life that you are referring to. Your unconscious life is where these principles remain, even if they are squirming
