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Calling out all moms today on this sunny crisp Tuesday morning. Greetings ladies! Hope you all celebrated your womanhood yesterday.
If there is anything I am on the fence about, it’s the topic of nurturing… too much vs. too little. Encouraging our kids vs. being tough on them when needed. Aah, the joys of parenting and all the confusion that comes with it! Providing for your children’s physical needs, like food, clothing and shelter, is pretty straightforward. However, providing for your children’s emotional needs is an entirely different beast. Every child is different, and you probably see it in your own house, that your nurturing style differs with each child based on their character. I can throw my three year old into pretty much any new situation, and he’s off with a big smile. My big son is cautious, sometimes hesitant, and asks MANY questions about anything new. But my confusion always comes in the form of: Do I nurture right now or should I be tough right now?
I have been guilty of hugging and kissing my kids while they’re misbehaving. Now I know what you’re thinking… I’m soft and a pushover. I’m actually not. I have little tolerance for rudeness, and I won’t raise a quitter. But, I see how when one of my kids gets jealous or threatened, for example, they act out. So instead of throwing them in their room for misbehaving, I hug them, because I see they’re suffering at that moment. I take them and I ask them quietly, “Tell mommy what’s wrong. Why is it hard for you right now that you had to hit your brother.” My husband thinks I’m totally wrong and will send them to their room, to create the backbone. I try and address why they acted up in the first place. Two different styles. Thanks goodness they have the balance!
Let’s take another example: big son usually doesn’t want to go skiing. We live in Canada. We are skiers. He doesn’t have to be the best, but I would like to expose him to it, and perhaps he’ll actually enjoy it. My little son on the contrary, loves skiing. So, a Saturday morning can go something like this:
Me: Okay buddy. Let’s get ready for skiing.
Son: No. it’s too cold.
Me: You’ll ski for a little, and then you’ll go in and warm up. The fresh air is wonderful. It’s cold for everyone. You’re dressed warm. You’ll feel so great and proud of yourself when you’re done.
Son: I don’t feel well.
Me: You’re fine. Let’s go.
After much back and forth…
Son: Ok, fine.
Hubby: Just went outside. It’s FREEZING. Too cold to go skiing.
Son: Yay, no skiing!
I’m pissed!!!!!!!!!!! But in the end, we go, and he ends up loving it. And he’s now great at it, but it’s a fight every time. THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
We’re also trying to teach our children the value of a dollar. My son’s second tooth fell out last week, and between the tooth fairy money, and some money the grandparents had given him for the two teeth, he had close to $100.00 in his Sponge Bob wallet. Now, I was brought up to be a saver, and to live beneath your means, so I wanted to teach him the concept of saving and spending money. We told him we were going to the bank to deposit his money in his account, and that he could get $20.00 to spend at the toy store. Keep in mind, my husband and I never buy toys for these children. Everything they have acquired has come from birthday gifts from friends or family. I buy my kids books, and that’s where it ends. So imagine his excitement…. $20.00 at the toy store on whatever he wanted!
So off we went on Saturday to the bank. This was his first trip to the bank for himself. I gave him his bank card, and we waited in line. He spoke to the teller. “I would like to deposit this into my bank account please. It’s my tooth fairy money,” he said nicely to the lady behind the counter. She smiled sweetly at him. He barely cleared the counter. I asked her if he could sign for
