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 I am a young lawyer and a mom to a baby girlI have three wishes: 1. Write a book, a short story, write something. My writing like my knitt...
 
 
 
 

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Raising a Jewish daughter v. raising a daughter Jewish-ly?

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I am Jewish, so is her father. We live a life within the Jewish community. At seven months, she has never gone for longer than two weeks without attending services.  All objective facts point to        Z being raised in a Jewish home.  However, I hesitate to say that we are raising a Jewish child, simply because we are raising a child jewish-ly.  (Just as I hesitate to assume she will choose her birth gender – nevertheless for now she is a girl).

Z may not always be Jewish and this does not worry me.  I worry that she may not find her voice in spiritual practice or progressive faith communities will fail her, that she will one day go to college and run into the likes of AISH, a super-conservative Jewish outreach organization and like it.

I wish for my daughter a deep and satisfying spiritual practice that rest tentatively on the edges of justice – today those edges are most clearly characterized by acceptance of homosexuality.  The edges are likely to be different for her, and when she finds her way to the edges, I will be immensely joyful if her spiritual practice is pushing her there.  If she does not identify herself as Jewish because her spirit leads her in some other direction – be it Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, etc…., I do not think that this will cause me any grief.

Within the progressive religious context, requiring fidelity to a natal religion does not compute, except perhaps for culture (more on this to come).

Much of what I love about Jewish practice is the ritualized meals on Shabbat: inviting, cooking, serving, praying. Lengthy multi-course meals reoccurring every week.

It would be wonderful if she adopted these traditions – but this is a wish for me, not a wish for her, because I do not see an absolute value in Judaism.

I would guess that many other progressive Jews feel the same way; then why worry about our children identifying as Jewish when they grow up – instead we should worry about our children joining Jewish religious communities that are non-egalitarian, homophobic and otherwise reactionary.

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CleverFTW 5 pts

I think you are spot on. I was raised as nothing really in an interfaith home and came to Judiasm on my own. I realize now that the Jewish world view and sense of free will, belief in a a thinking G-d and justice for all people really was part of my mother's milk. Judiaism is where I belong and I think I was raided Jewish-ly not as a Jewish daughter.

Somehow it all worked out.

Galit Breen 5 pts

a lot. I have the same feeling of giving my children what I've got, and then allowing them to connect with it (or not) as they may. This was honest. And refreshing. Thank you.

http://tcjewfolk.com/author/galitbreen/

rachelinbar 5 pts

I'm raising my kids as Jews (in Israel). I am what you might call modern-Orthodox (although my views are Conservative) and my husband (and my ex-husband) is secular (i.e. non-observant).

I believe I would be devastated if my children chose to abandon all Jewish tradition - it is something that has been in our family throughout the generations and I believe that without a past, your present is not worth as much and the future you pass on isn't either. As much as we are all individuals, we are all also part of something much bigger...

Rachel
(mom of 6, ages 2-1/2 to 17)

Flucky Mom 5 pts

I enjoyed your post. It's somewhat perfect timing as I just talked about the role of religion in our house and how I view freedom of religion as being more of a choice rather than indoctrination of our kids.

LizaWasHere 5 pts

I think the distinction you drew is a very important one: We want our children to learn and our core values, not necessarily their outward expressions.

My sister and I were both raised in a very politically active home that was moderately observant in a mainline Protestant Christian denomination. Both of us are politically active adults who generally share the same values and goals as our parents -- and both of us have chosen different spiritual paths. Lucky for us, our parents have supported those choices.

I hope I can offer my children the same strong foundation and supportive environment.

Liza Barry-Kessler
Personal: LizaWasHere ( http://www.lizawashere.com/ )
Professional: Privacy Counsel LLC ( http://www.privacycounsel.net/ )

anopencupboard 5 pts

What if she decides to be an atheist, with no connection to any Jewish community? Conversely, what if she decides to become a Hasidic Jew, espousing all the reactionary views you're concerned about?

For all intents and purposes, you are raising your child as a Jew, albeit within the confines of your interpretation of modern Jewish life. Nothing wrong with that, and more power to you, but a Jew is a Jew is a Jew.

Shelly
Raised Jewish (Modern Orthodox), still Jewish and completely non-practicing and unaffiliated.