Raising a Superchild - A humorous look at parenting
It's time to toss aside the seriousness of mom and
dadhood and get some comic relief.. Ray
Strobel's How to
Raise a Superchild (HCI) may be just the thing. I've excerpted a small part of this pocket-size book for your enjoyment (with permission from the publisher - thanks, boss!
Your Child to Become President! Degree of Difficulty 5.5
improbable as it may seem, if your child is a male you can forget the
presidency. By the time he is fifteen or sixteen years old, we will have
elected our first female President and will never look back. A male's only
choice by then will be vice president, and we do not cover such mundane
professions in this guide.
as with men, women candidates will still not require a high IQ or high moral
standards, as we will continue to select the worst of us for leaders. And
that's good news for you as a parent. Raising your little Commander in
Chief will not be difficult, as you will note from our Degree of Difficulty
rating, which is only slightly higher than that of Bartender."
you're a parent, you're overdue for some comic relief. While serious amounts of
energy are spent making sure all the right choices are made for pre-school,
private school, and activities after school, you owe it to yourself to
have a good laugh about this race to parent the next Albert Einstein or Michael
about the next Pope? Or highly paid TV anchorperson? Or Miss Universe, rocket
scientist, bestselling author (my favorite), or celebrity chef?
you have the tools to teach your kid to become a:
"Your "superchild" should be given spending money before he can
crawl. Watch how early he develops and early love for the stuff."
Master: "One advantage of raising your child to become a Chess Master
(as opposed to Pope, for example) is that you won't have to wait years
and years for him to become a success. By the time he's eight, you
should be basking in his limelight."
New Anchor: "Your orthodontist bills will be substantial, since
perfect white teeth and a great smile are a must. But all in all, you're in for
a relatively leisurely twenty-five years of parenting."
Wine Connoisseur: "Wow! Getting paid to drink! And not just any old
swill, but the really good stuff, too. If your child shows no aptitude for
study or hard work, becoming a wine connoisseur may be his ticket."
Chef: "While the rest of the neighborhood is eating microwavable
pizzas, your teenager will be throwing together meals like Duck Cordon Blue
with Green Peppercorn Sauce. And the parental training isn't difficult -- we've
got the right recipe -- just follow our expert advice.
Here's more from: "Final Preparations -- The Sequel" of the chapter
about raising a bestselling author:
though your child will be getting rich, turning out drivel for people who don't
know the difference between Proust and Peanuts
(and who think a dust jacket is something you wear while cleaning), it will be
important for his self-esteem to be viewed as an important cultural figure.
that he memorize incomprehensible phrases from major literary works so he can
drop them into conversations at will. Speaking of Proust, some of his lines
will do just fine, and it won't be difficult picking out the incomprehensible
ones. Old English lines from Shakespeare are always a good choice, too.
guarantee that this training will help build your child's self-esteem as well
as allow him to travel in celebrity circles.
Hollywood celebrities and Manhattan
mavens like to include authors in their exclusive circles of friends, and your
precious little one will do just fine with a combination of drivel coming out
of his pen and profundities out of his mouth." (page 16)
Strobel is kind in providing a pause to parents from the rigors of parenting and the ever-piling up stack of self-help parenting books. He's respectfully holding up a mirror to moms and dads and encouraging them to take a good, long laugh at their very important job.
If you're like me, and only a parent to furry and feathered kids, you can join me in applauding the brave soul and thank them for doing the heavy lifting. Here's to the superparents raising these superchildren!
For more bookish fun, go to my blog: http://www.helpmewithmybook.com/blog. All are welcome and submissions considered.