Random Thoughts

I finally got the books for my third exam prep last night. They were delayed by inclement weather somewhere, but it was also because I didn't order them soon enough to get them shortly after my second exam. Why, I don't know. I kept putting it off probably because of the money it cost. But I knew I'd have to spend the money, and with my cousin here it is really helping out in the finances department. (Now if I could just figure out what the heck is going on with the gas bill!)

I am still working on the last paragraph of Psalm 91. I keep tripping over that part about long life. 53 is too young to die. But as my good and wise friend told me, my husband made choices and he knew the possible consequences of not addressing and managing his blood sugar. He staked his life on his beliefs, and told me more than once he was willing to die for them. Whether his death was the direct or indirect consequence does not matter, but I'm thinking we're going to have a discussion when I get to Glory. Or not, as the case may be. It doesn't make any difference now and it won't matter then.

Regardless of what has already happened, the fact is that I have things to do. At this point, those things include studying for and passing these exams. This particular book is huge. Not counting the glossary, it is 559 pages. Thankfully, the first section is reiterating some of the concepts I learned for the first exam. Maybe the rest of it will do some of that too.

I am hopeful (an earnest expectation hope, not a wishful hope) that I can finish both of these courses and pass the exams before mid-April, so I can take a quick trip to Florida to see one of my nieces for her Sweet 16. I missed the oldest one's because I was looking after my husband and could not leave him that long. This time, my cousin did not say no when I asked him if he could look after the kittens while I am gone. I am taking that as a yes.

Speaking of my cousin, he told me last night that it is certain, although not official, that his contract has been extended though October 31. That is comforting to me; that he will be here even when I have to go to Indiana in September. It is so wonderful to me to see God's hand in arranging all of this. I don't think I would have even considered staying in this house if he hadn't come to live with me. Although I am still toying with other possibilities, I am fairly certain that I am supposed to stay here in this area, and probably in this house.

I have been wrestling lately with the topic of money. Specifically, spending it. I am not lacking, thanks to my husband's foresight, but I am not accustomed to having to make major financial decisions. I've always been pretty frugal, but I was about to get a new car and we were furnishing the house. I feel like a fraud - here I am planning to be a financial adviser and I need advice on my finances! And my husband was such a private person that I am hesitant to reveal details of my situation to anyone. I don't want anyone to look at me differently because of what I may or may not have. I wonder if that is a bad thing to think. If it is, then I truly repent and ask the Lord's forgiveness. All that really matters is how He sees me.

My sister is coming to visit next week. It's her birthday, and she asked me if she could come. I am thinking she can help me immensely by shredding all these manuals for the certifications which my husband earned. The college said there were no restrictions on the disposal of them, and I took the textbooks to Half Price Books. They basically recycled them, because I got a grand total of $2.50 for all of them plus some newer books which are still being actively sold (I saw them at Mardel not ten minutes before I sold them). In any case, she needs to be needed, and I couldn't let her shred the other stuff because it was client information and therefore confidential. It will give her something to do while I study.

It really helps me to write things out and look at them in black and white. Things become easier to consider when they are put down into words on a page, rather than swirling around in my head. Plus, the very act of arranging my thoughts so that I can write them down allows me to see what I am thinking and to find any weak spots or errors in my logic.

Well I'm off to do a little favor for the lady with whom I sometimes get to walk. Maybe I'll actually read some of this huge manual while her kid rests or naps or whatever he is doing.

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