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Back in November 2008, Amanda Hess at The Sexist, a Washington City Paper blog, addressed a male blogger who wrote a "brilliant" treatise called, “Advice 4 Women: How to NOT Get a ‘Deserved Raping.’" As Amanda (and all the people who left comments on her post) already addressed the troubling aspects of this "helpful" advice, I'll not got over it again. However, I thought about the idea of how to avoid being raped (whether "deserved" or not), and I realized there is only one sure way to do so:
Do not exist.
Yes, not existing is pretty much the only thing someone can do to 100% guarantee that she or he will never be raped. Because the truth is that rape can happen to anyone. Old and young. "Attractive" and "ugly." Prostitutes and nuns. Women and men. Heterosexuals and homosexuals. European, North American, South American, Australian, African, Asian. Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Zoroastrian, Shinto, Sikh, Baha'i, Jain, Wiccan, Pagan, Atheist, Agnostic. Awake, passed out, comatose/vegetative, dead. Married, separated, single, divorced. Etc., etc. Anyone who has some sort of physical presence on this planet can at some point be raped.
Many well-intentioned people have put together lists advising women on ways to avoid being raped. Robin Sax, Stacy Dittrich, Susan Murphy Milano at Justice Interrupted provide a comprehensive one. In an attempt to be helpful and assist women, they list everything from not wearing a ponytail (which rapists can grab easily, and note that women like me with short hair are much less likely to be targeted by rapists looking for easier marks since there's nothing to hold onto, so the logical conclusion is to rush out and get your hair cut now to reduce your chance of being raped!) to not sitting in a car in a grocery store parking lot, just in case a rapist with a gun gets in on the passenger side. They put together their list through very careful research and interviews, and obviously mean it to help women.
Granted, some of this information is useful, but lists like this lead to several things: a general increase in fear in women (if a large number of rapes happen in grocery store parking lots, how are women - who are very likely to shop for food - supposed to avoid this?), and the idea that it is your fault that you were raped because you didn't take every precaution you could against it. It's bad enough that society blames rape victims by judging women's clothes and attitudes, but the last thing we need is more encouragement to blame ourselves (i.e. - not only did you don a ponytail, but you also went to the grocery store at night. If only you had cut your hair short...)
Two years ago, Hoyden About Town pointed out that:
Because victims can’t prevent crimes, so “prevention” strategies targeting potential victims are selling a crock. Crime prevention programs only work insofar as they persuade offenders not to commit crimes, which is a whole other story (one that is hardly ever discussed regarding rape because the media makes rapists “disappear” from case reports through the way rapes are reported using the passive voice).
The post then discusses a program which teaches women to resist rape. However, I think Katt at The Fates of Moira is right on when she ties the idea of preparing women to "prevent" rape with the concept that men should be taught to not rape:
If I could have it my way, I would make it mandatory to teach rape prevention in all high schools and universities. Statistics show that most rapes are date rapes in which the victim knows their rapist. Having rape prevention policies that only teach women to “never walk alone/at night” is incredibly lacking. Teaching men (the most common commiters of rape) what rape is and how to keep the men around them from committing rape is a much more effective policy. I also know many men that, once they learn the official definition of what constitutes rape, admit to having raped in the past. Most rapists don’t even know that they’ve committed it.
Mickey Schultz at California NOW's blog put up a list of rape myths that she's seen on the internet that drive her insane. Myth #4 is that men can't get raped. I think that is
