- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 0
- 0
-
Sparkle (0)
This article can also be found on Fancast.com.
[Cue Antonio Banderas' voice uno momento]: Money was what they already had. But fame is what changed everything.
Ahh, yes, ladies and gay men of America–that was essentially the theme of last night’s ‘Real Housewives of NYC‘ Reunion. In other words: Friendships fall apart when you’re being a boob to other boobs on the tube.
Even though there appeared to be two separate teams on each side of the room–Team Dumb and Team Dumber (you guess which is the latter)–the ladies were all one in the same. Underneath the big hair, five-inch stilettos, Botox, and Miss USA evening gowns, there lurked a maddening cry for help, a hunger to be heard, dammit! Too bad when each Housewife roared, everyone else plugged their ears–everyone except for our hostess with the mostess, Andy Cohen, who was so overwhelmed with the divalicious attitude he wanted to turn straight for a moment.
Before we get lost in Jill’s fro, here are some deep observations about each Housewife in Round 1’s epic stand-off…
The Alex
I’ve coined a new term; I’m calling it ‘The Alex.’ Definition: Finding your cajones. Kudos to the once mealymouthed blondie who’s only way of rebelling was to show her blotch marks. Yippie! Alex 2.0 has finally found her voice! And so what if she almost pulled a Britney by way of a crotch shot–you can’t keep this Housewife down!
“Ask me what I’m thinking, and I’ll tell you,” says the vampire with her new set of ginormous bleached fangs. Oh, and did she ever. With great poise, she confronts Jill’s three years of meanness–from making fun of her hubby, insulting her parenting, and calling her ugly. “You’re a coward,” the redhead says. “And we’re not friends, so who cares?”
But Alex doesn’t stop there. Without flinching, she tells the Countess she’s a hypocrite and that she better shut her trap and wait her turn to speak because there’s a new Nordic boss in town. The Countess arches an eyebrow with disgust, and to keep her cool, hums her song to herself.
The Ramona Coaster
So what if Ramona made crazy eyes down the runway, attacked LuAnn about her party…and Bethenny on the Brooklyn Bridge…and Kelly’s pea brain…and Jill’s Kodak moment! Hey, to her credit, at least she can do the turtle dance in a drunken stupor and manage to avoid getting hepatitis from her smooch with the Hooters dude. This is what renewal is all about in her (wide-open) eyes, baby!
But does the 50-something-year-old regret any of her Ramona moments? She admits that if she could take back any, it’d be her slam on Beth. Of course, this enrages Kelly so much that at this point, her mouth pulls out from the rest of her face (we’ve seen this feat before in the movie ‘Aliens’) and her entire set of teeth jump out.
Kelly: “Oh, what about you calling me stupid?”
Ramona: “I call my daughter stupid sometimes.”
Kelly: “Don’t call your daughter stupid.”
Ramona: “I don’t really…I was just giving you an example to make you feel better.”
Boo yah! Ramona wins.
Bethenny: The AK-47
While we’re busy watching a butt-kissing montage of Bethenny’s perfect life (i.e. plug for her new show), the camera takes a peek at Jill, who’s wistfully looking at her former BFF, as if she lost her favorite ice skating trophy.
As Jill secretly draws figure 8’s with her finger in the air, the tearful atmosphere is broken by the whole “media whore” comment. As Bethenny and Alex ask for proof of Kelly’s undying psychotic belief that B tried to damage her in the press, her easily overwhelmed
