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Take it from these married men
-Jennifer Trannon, BettyConfidential.com
Indulge, if you will, my stream of consciousness.
I began to watch season one of the HBO series Big Love (about polygamy) at approximately the same time I began to read the novel Loving Frank
(about Frank Lloyd Wright's mistress). I also, that same week, heard an
actress remark during an interview that her brother had taught her many
years ago that a man never fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend
unless she has left or is denying him.
The sociologist in me became slightly obsessed with the concept of
loving two (or more) women or men. I decided at that time to write an
article about this very thing and set out to do my research. I wanted to learn about how men feel about their wives and about other women.
All men have wandering eyes to varying degrees, right? Many men would
cheat if it weren't for the fear of getting caught. Men are dogs!
And so I talked to my man friends. I talked to man friends who trust
me, and who I knew would be honest with me. And I asked them those
tough questions. And you know what? I was wrong!
Yes, of course I know there are men out there who have wandering eyes, and there are plenty of men out there who stray. But you know what else? There are plenty of men out there who don't.
My conversation with my friend John is the one that really changed my mind. He told me that in 17 years of marriage, he has never even had a crush on another woman.
"Really?" I asked. "Not even a tiny little infatuation?" "No," he said.
He just doesn't think about other women that way anymore.
And so, with my theory blown, I decided to look at a different
angle. I sent an e-mail to all my man friends, this time asking for
them to tell me why they fell in love with their wife, or what they
love best about her now. I expected some nice, sweet, Valentine-ish
proclamations or silly comments about their wives' anatomy, which I was
going to sculpt into a funny, irreverent look at why men love their
wives.
And then I got the e-mails back.
I couldn't stop reading them, and every single one made me cry.
I am going to leave you with the words of my man friends.
These are just regular, normal, burping, farting men. They make their
wives mad, and say stupid things and forget to put the toilet seat
down. They are imperfect, and so are the women they love. But their
words, more than anything, made me realize that despite what the media
tells us, despite what we read in the headlines and watch at the
movies, there are good men out there - good men who love us even when
we're bitchy, and when our asses get bigger, and when we drive them
crazy. And even when they drive us crazy, they love us. And that's something.
From Rob:
What do I love best about her now? Her
unconditional acceptance of me and the kids. That together we are
building a life -- like a work of art in process, each time we do
something it is another stroke on the canvas. I don't know exactly how
it all going to turn out but I know she is the major focus of the
painting.
From Chris:
In short, besides her beauty (smile)
which initially attracted me to her (and still does), Nancy has always
believed in me. She gives me the encouragement and confidence to be
more than I ever thought I could be. Selfless and amazing!
From Scott (get your hankies ready):
Let's see, what made me fall in love with my wife?
Could
it be her gorgeous brown eyes? Or maybe it's her warm, beautiful smile?
I know, it's those freckles on her shoulders I always thought were kind
of sexy.
Maybe it's the way she laughs when she's happy? Or maybe it's the way she makes me happy too?
I
know, I really fell in love with her when I first saw her in a wedding
dress the day she said "I do!" Or maybe it was knowing I found someone
I really could see spending the rest of my life with.
Maybe
it was after breaking up with her in college and soon realizing I did
the wrong thing. Or maybe it was her willingness to take me back even
though she was really upset.
No, I know what it is. It's not
the 1 or the 2 but
