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At the risk of sounding like an obnoxious Gen-Xer, people over 50 seem sort of astounded with my husband's level of parental involvement. Sometimes I'm not sure it's even a compliment, as if somehow Brian's willingness to take a five-minute break from work to hang out in a couch fort or even join us for lunch makes him somehow soft.
Fortunately, a growing number of people are starting to recognize the positives--the joy--in a way of life that made for 1980s parody.
Just the other night, Brian headed to his work Christmas party with a fresh pee puddle on his khakis (and knew from experience that it would dry in the car). During dinner, one of his coworkers--who also worked out of his home while his kids were growing up--confided to me that Brian just gushes about Gunnar and Annie any chance he gets. His eyes lit up as he reflected on all of pride-filled stories he had heard.
"I'm pretty lucky," I said.
"Yes, and so is he," replied the dad of three extremely accomplished young adults.
I couldn't agree more that Brian is a talented and dedicated father. He's not only deeply connected to both kids emotionally, but since the beginning, there's never been a question that he would share every parental duty other than childbirth and breastfeeding.
And actually, when I had trouble with the latter, Brian essentially became my live-in lactation consultant, sitting right by my side, stroking his child's cheek and trying to help me get everything all lined up and latched.
I know I have an extraordinary partner, but I partly thank the changing times for allowing him to embrace fatherhood so fully. Now I can't speak for previous generations of men, but from listening to all of the pre-Y2K fathers and grandfathers in my life, it seems they had a wildly different perception of their duties and priorities.
I's not that they wouldn't have liked to be closer to their kids, but society dictated that men's role as provider be paramount.
When Gunnar was just a few-weeks-old baby, one of my aunts who was visiting asked if my dad had been as hands-on when I was growing up. The simple answer is "no," but I'm not so sure it's a fair question. Times were different.
But on the other side of the coin, today's dads face an entirely new set of pressures. Not too different from moms' quest to "have it all," dads are often expected to be competent Mr. Moms and bring home at least most of the bacon.
Unless you're Donald Trump, simply stating you "don't do diapers" is no longer an option.
I personally am glad to be raising my family in the era of the modern dad, and so grateful that I married a man so clearly born to help champion this change.
Deb
