The Real Scoop on Pregnancy and Parenting after Infertility or Loss

BlogHer Original Post

BlogHer's Absolute Beginners is a year-long editorial project sharing advice, experience, and stories on all sorts of topics for new moms and moms-to-be in the form of Crib Sheets they can download and carry around, then asking moms who have been through it already (like me) to weigh in and add to the discussion. They're starting off with a topic I know something about: Pregnancy and Parenting After Infertility and Loss.

Read and print out the entire crib sheet for pregnancy after infertility or loss now.

I thought this crib sheet was really useful. First of all, it’s written by Mel, and she really knows what she is talking about.


On Planning and Shopping for Your Baby

I totally agree with Mel here: Planning can be a stress reducer, but it can also feel like a jinx. With this pregnancy, I didn’t buy anything for a long time. And even when I do buy things, I throw out anti-jinx spells each time. I’ve not done a lot of actual preparing yet, either. The furthest we’ve gotten so far is to clean out the room that will be the nursery and then just kind of throw all baby related things into it. I probably ought to get going on that, though, so that this baby can have a place to sleep and some clothes to wear.

On Calculating the Risks of Prenatal Screening/Diagnostic Tests

I also loved Mel's advice here. Our policy is that we accept every test available that doesn’t carry any risk. So if it is a blood test for me or an ultrasound -- yep, sign me up. A lot of people say that they wouldn’t change anything no matter the results, so they turn down the tests. We wouldn’t necessarily change anything based on a blood test either, but we would like to have all the information and be prepared.

On Needing, and Asking for, More From Your Doctors

Mel's advice to seek extra reassurance from your doctor if you need it was also really applicable to me. With my history, I am officially “high risk,” and so my regular OB referred me to a perinatologist. I’m being seen by both doctors simultaneously, and it is a really nice balance. My OB’s office has a very “everything will be FINE!” attitude, and my peri’s office is much more of a businesslike, let’s-check-that-out attitude. So I get the casual attitude from one office and the extreme monitoring from the other. It is a very reassuring mix.

On Relating to Other Parents

The last section that really resonated with me was about having very little in common with other parents. I have felt that a lot. I cannot stand how some parents (not YOU) treat their children with so little respect and ungratefulness. I am all about complaining when complaining is warranted and hard-won children are still hard. (Especially those that are “spirited” and born with very strong opinions and NEVER SLEEP, EVEN NOW.) But I know some parents who always act like their children are inconveniences. And I just cannot feel that way, since I know all too well how much worse it is when those children aren’t here. I’m not saying that I never complain. It’s just that I rarely feel that there is much to complain about.

What did you think of the crib sheet? Is there anything you would add?

This post is part of the Absolute Beginners editorial series made possible by Pampers and BlogHer. Our advertisers do not produce or approve editorial content.

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