Reason #437 why nobody invites me anywhere anymore

Anonymous friend*: So, we went and saw "Gran Torino" last night.
Me: Uh-huh.
Anonymous friend: Yeah, it was AWESOME.
Me: Uh-huh.
Anonymous friend: Have you seen it?
Me: Uh-uh.
Anonymous friend: You HAVE to see it, it's SO good.
Me: Um, yeah...I don't really like Clint Eastwood so much.
Anonymous friend: Oh my God, he's SO amazing in this movie though, you really have to see it.
Me: Yeah, but I don't really like Clint Eastwood. Ever. Seriously.
Anonymous friend: I swear, everyone in the theatre was was so was just would probably love it.
Me: But, um...probably no because see, remember how I just told you that I don't like Clint Eastwood movies? Yeah...I wasn't lying.
Anonymous Friend: Yeah but this is's not like his usual movies.
Me: Does he save the day? Does he at any point have a gun? Does somebody learn a valuable lesson? Is he all gritty and weathered and set in his ways? Is there a moral to the story?
Anonymous friend: (silence)
Me: I bet there is. I bet at least half of that stuff is true.
Anonymous friend: You don't even know what it's about.
Me: However...if Clint Eastwood ever stars in some sort of Devil Wears Prada/Friday the Thirteenth Freddy vs. Jason type movie I will TOTALLY go see it.
Anonymous friend: Fine. Don't see it.
Me: Can you imagine how great THAT movie would be?? Clint Eastwood would be running around all Clint Eastwoody, only he'd also be like Leatherface and Kate Hudson would be all cute and charming and then right in the middle they'd meet and there'd be all sorts of running around and screaming and Clint Leatherface would actually turn out to be a good guy and save Kate from that guy from "Saw" and then probably at the end they'd fall in love and Patrick Dempsey would show up with Reese Witherspoon and they'd have a double wedding or something.
Anonymous friend: (silence)
Me: You should totally go see that with me. That's probably going to be way better than "Grand Tornado" or whatever.
Anonymous friend: (silence)
Me: Is something wrong?

*I changed my friend's name to protect her identity...then I realized that she comes off looking like a smart person that just wants me to see movies that everybody on the whole planet thinks are great while I come off like an idiot that has no interest in watching intelligent cinema because all I really want to see is some sort of poorly directed b-movie horror film starring Anne Hathaway or Katherine Heigl because apparently I have no taste whatsoever... so then I thought that maybe instead I should change MY identity for this conversation but then I remembered that I write this blog so I'm already pretty much outed.

Also, Oprah still hasn't called me. I know, right? After I apologized to Beyonce and everything. Probably what the Oprah people should do at this point is change the name of that little section called "Be on the Show" to "Submit Your Brilliant Idea To Us To Be On The Show and Then Probably We're Still Not Going To Call You Even If You Do Apologize To Beyonce but We Will Steal Your Ideas and Have Some Lady in Mom Jeans Play the Part of the Crying Lady on the Couch That Should Have Been Yours While You Cry on Your own Couch at Home WITHOUT Oprah."

It's just...I try so hard to see the good in people and then something like this happens. It's almost enough to make you completely lose your faith in humanity.

P.S. What to put under the tree if you want your kid to think that Santa Claus hates her:
fail owned pwned pictures