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“It’s official,” I said to George. “The economy’s in a recession. It’s time to winterize the house.”
George looked at me warily, “You say that every year.”
It’s true. The temperature drops and my inner Jimmy Carter kicks in. I can’t help it—I love the sweaters.
I said, “This year we really need to winterize because of the recession. The windows are leaking like sieves and, to quote my father, I don’t feel like heating the whole outdoors.” George, who grew up in the South and actually welcomes the cold weather, said, “A little air flow is good for you—it keeps you healthy!”
I said, “What’s that sound?” He looked around. I said, “Oh, I think I just heard the 401k sneezing. Maybe it’s the one that’s catching cold.”
George got out the measuring tape.
I offered to make curtains to help reduce the draft and he said no one would recognize the house if I put curtains up. I went ahead with it anyway. I was thrilled with the results—I felt like a domestic goddess. I invited Ellie over to applaud my handiwork. George listened to us discuss seams and then said, “I think the pod people have taken over your bodies.”
He went to the hardware store and bought insulation. We ordered several hundred dollars worth of firewood. We turned the thermostat down and built a fire and poured some wine. I got up to turn down the lights so as not to see how really crooked the seams on the curtains were.
George was cranky. He said, “We just spent hundreds of dollars to save hundreds of dollars. What do we do now for fun?”
I said, “Recession sex.”
He was intrigued.
I said, “Recession sex is what you do when you’re being budget conscious. Instead of dinner and a movie, which can run about $100, we rent a movie to watch in bed and have sex.”
George said helpfully, “We could just skip the movie and save a few more dollars.”
I said, “Or we could reenact that scene from Tom Jones and eat dinner in bed as a prelude to sex. But we might have to turn up the heat for that one. George said, “I’m okay with the splurge.”
I said, “Well, the idea behind recession sex is that it’s a free activity. It doesn’t cost you anything and you can pretty much do it whenever you want.”
George said, “Tell me more.” I said, “Well, recession sex can also help save
