Recounting Tales of Sex & Love
By BCriswell on January 24, 2013
As a married woman the though of spending a moment with each of my lovers may seem an inappropritate one. In fact, as I published my first book, A Moment With Each of My Lovers, on Kindle just a couple weeks ago, the number one question I got from friends was, "Doesn't your husband mind?!"
When I sat down and wrote my memoir in lovers, I never thought that I would be publishing it for everyone to see. It was more of a practice in writing and memory...a creative way to revisit the memories of the people I had relationships and sex with. But a funny thing happened when I started wirting it: a distinct voice emerged and the stories I was telling felt cathartic. Maybe, I began to think, other women have had similar experiences.
After reading Fifty Shades of Grey this past summer, and hearing all the conversations the women around me were having, I started to wonder if a new, more open, converation about sex was emerging for women in America. That was when I came back to my novella, A Moment With Each of My Lovers.
Revisiting the moments I had with my lovers sounds like it might be a loaded conversation....some women don't like to admit the things that they have done sexually because they are afraid of being judged. Certainly, I knew that putting a book of this nature out on the market opened me up for scrutiny and judgment, but I decided that the conversation was too important not to have.
I don't believe I am so different from other women...I have been the girl afraid of losing my virginity. I have cheated, had one night stands, and I have failed miserably at love. Sometimes hurt other people. I have sometimes been hurt. These are universal experiences when it comes to sex and love. Sharing this while also remembering the men [and the woman] who I shared these experiences with allowed me to close the chapters with a new sense of growth.
Americans can characteristically be a little uptight when it comes to sex--even if we secretly really want to be more free and have the conversation openly. I find so often we try to forget about the lovers we've had, or the past in general, and simply move forward. For me, though, the value of remembering is great and it allows me to connect with other women in unexpected ways. I find that people welcome and want this connection.
One of the best things about writing this novella and making it available, are the stories it brings up for other people in regard to their past lovers. I have heard several tales of love and sex from my readers since I published--memories they say they haven't recounted in years. I love hearing about the ways in which we can all relate as we recount love and sex though storytelling.