Reflecting

Several times a day I find myself thanking God for giving me the strength to get out of my last relationship. I often have little reminders of how good I have it now. The thing about staying in an emotionally/physically abusive relationship is, it has this suffocating control over you. You don't realize what it's doing to you. Slowly, but surely, the invisible cloud hovering over the relationship sucks the life out of you. Everything about you changes, and for the bad. Your family notices, your friends notice, God notices, but the funny thing is, you don't notice. You don't notice until your stuck. Until your in so deep you have no idea which way is up. You're completely oblivious to the negativity that surrounds your life. But is that really the case? Or do we choose to be blind to what is going on? Do we choose to look the other way after the abuse has been delivered? Speaking from experience, I honestly felt like I had no where to turn. I have a twin sister, and as close as we were, I felt like I couldn't tell her what I was going thru. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I was embarrassed. Maybe because she knew how strong I was but could easily see that I was settling for less than I deserved. So what gave? What made me FINALLY put my foot down and leave the "boy" (notice I didn't say man) that controlled my every thought?? The relationship had been snowballing for months on end and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Every day was a fight. Every night I was sleeping in a guest bedroom. We were roommates tollerating each other but staying together for some unexplained reason. For some strange reason the physical abuse had stopped altogether and the emotional abuse only came when I put up a fight. Maybe he was sensing I had given up all hope of making our relationship last. Maybe he had given up hope as well. I kept telling myself if one more thing happened, if he said one more thing to another female that he shouldn't, if he touched me one more time, or emotionally belittled me again that I was leaving. I had decided enough was enough, but I foolishly needed him to do one more thing to disrespect me and push me over the edge. Lets just say I didn't have to wait too long. After a drunken afternoon he was passed out on the couch and his phone lit up. To my benefit I could see the first part of the text. In those few short words I knew there was more. Because of a blessing in disguise I found all I needed to know. I felt like I had no where to turn and for some stupid reason I didn't want to tell my family. I didn't want to hear "I told you so." I turned to a long time friend that had always thought I hung the moon and wanted to give me the world. He convinced me to pack a bag and leave that night. I said a simple prayer at that moment. God, please give me the strength to do this. I left that night and never looked back. BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE!! I soon felt like the hugest burden had been lifted off my shoulders. I could finally breathe again. I never knew what happiness was until I met the man I'm with now. I absolutely could not be happier. I have been blessed in an amazing way all thanks to the mercy of God.

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