Rejection: It Happens to Everyone

If you decide to engage in online dating, you have to get used to being rejected. There’s no way around it. As a single woman who publicly proclaims that she’s “looking,” you’re no longer dealing with rejection on an occasional basis -- it’s not like meeting random people at a bar, or attempting to chat up a hottie on the Metro, or giving a sly smile to the person behind you while waiting for your lunch.

When you post a photo and description online for anyone to see -- when you accept the fact that you’ll be going on multiple dates if you’re going to find the right person -- you either have a pretty good idea already that you’ll be dealing with rejection or you come to terms with it very quickly. Nobody is immune to it, no matter how beautiful or wonderful we (or other people) think we are.

Rejection can arrive in many forms. Maybe you’ll send emails and virtual “winks” to people you’re interested in that are never returned. (Check.) Maybe your in-person date goes well but you never hear from that person again. (Check.) Maybe someone will pursue you via email for a few weeks while they’re out of town on vacation, and you finally invite him to meet up with you and your friends at the place you’re planning to be on a Saturday night. And then he doesn’t show up. And he doesn’t respond to your text message, the one that says, “We’re here. Where are you?” And then you get an email from him a week later that says, “Why haven’t I heard from you? I hope I didn’t do anything wrong.” (Uh...check.)

You have to have a certain amount of confidence. You have to realize that when rejection comes at such an early stage, it has a high likelihood of not being personal. They’ve simply looked at you, or talked to you for a while, and decided you’re not the person for them. Maybe, in that person’s opinion, I’m too tall. Maybe they don’t like how I described myself in my profile. Maybe they don't like my body type. Maybe my hair is too blond, or not blond enough.

This happens all the time, and it’s okay. In fact, it’s the way it should be. I’d rather know the truth about how someone feels sooner rather than later -- so, in actuality, these people are doing me a favor. There’s a much smaller possibility that feelings will be hurt when the rejection comes in the beginning instead of after you’ve developed genuine feelings for someone.

Here’s something else I have to keep in mind: I reject people, too. I do it ALL THE TIME. And if it’s okay for me to do the rejecting? I have to accept that it’s okay for other people to do it. (I even have a special label in my Gmail account that I use for people whose emails and “winks” I decide not to respond to. Appropriately, the label is called “Rejected.”)

I’ve met some people in person, and then, after the first date, or after several dates, I decide I don’t want to see them again. It hasn’t been due to anything being glaringly wrong (at least so far). They’re decent-looking, and all of them have been nice. (Yes, I’ve been pretty lucky. I haven’t met anyone in person who was weird, or rude, or looked substantially different from their online photos -- well, not too much, at least. One person did toe the line a bit.)

I rejected them because I didn’t feel a spark. There wasn’t anything about them that gave me a distinct feeling I wanted to see them again. Sometimes this is apparent right away, but sometimes it takes a little longer before you arrive at this realization.

When I know it’s right, it’ll be right.

Related Reading:

After Shannon went on a date, the guy sent her “what amounts to a rejection form letter.”

Amelia is adamant that she wants a man who is taller than she is, but her dating site keeps sending her men who are too short.

Parakeet asks if you’d reject dating a friend of an ex, even if you and your ex-boyfriend have been broken up for a long period of time. (Unsurprisingly, a majority of the responders said they wouldn’t reject the ex's friend.)

Evelyn Lim: 7 Tips On How to Handle Rejection In Life

(Contributing editor Zandria wants to start living the life she imagines.)