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Last week, my daughter had to interview me for a school project. One of the questions she asked me was, “How do you maintain a healthy relationship?” Here are the relationship tips I gave her. They’re based on my 20-year marriage, but I think they’re equally applicable to other types of relationships.
- Clearly communicate your wants and needs. Just because someone loves you, doesn’t mean he or she can read your mind.
- Be realistic. No one is perfect, and neither is any long-term relationship. My husband and I have dealt with deaths in the family, infertility, illness, and job loss. We have disagreed on important issues like where to live. We made a commitment to stick together through these tough times and to compromise, and so far, we’ve always come out together on the other side.
- Take responsibility for your own happiness. If you’re bored, get a hobby or plan a trip. If you hate your job, find a new one. If you’re depressed, see your doctor. Expect your partner to be supportive, but don’t expect him or her to fix your life for you.
- Assume best intentions. When your feelings are hurt, think about this: Is it more likely that your partner did or said something with the intent of hurting your feelings, or is it more likely that he or she was just tactless or made a mistake?
- Set a spending limit for sole decisions if you have joint finances. My husband and I agreed that for purchases over $250, we’d discuss the purchase first. That first discussion and the ongoing rule helped our finances as well as our marriage.
- If there’s a frequent sore point in your relationship, deal with it head on. For my husband and I, the issue was house cleaning. I felt like I was doing more than my share to keep the house clean to my standards, which are higher than my husband’s standards. We decided early on that it was worth it to hire a weekly cleaning lady to deal with this, and the peace has been worth every penny.
- No dating. If the relationship is over, man up and end it cleanly before anyone else is involved.
All this being said, my final piece of advice is to never tolerate abuse in any relationship. No relationship is worth that.
~ Dawn
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