Relationship Stamina Hinges on Couple’s Sexual Connection
By Dr E on July 14, 2014
Good sex when you are newlyweds is important, in fact it is one of the strongest relationship builders. Research is clear that the couple’s sexual connection in the first years of a marriage is related to their ability to stay married.
If a couple can learn to have mutually enjoyable sex together that first year or so, the couple’s chance of staying together remains higher than for those couples who have unsatisfying sex during this phase of life. Sex is that important for you two!
Image Credit: Olessya
Sexual Attraction & Biological Changes
But sometimes sex can get boring…
In the day in and day out of life, boring sex can put partners at risk for finding excitement outside of the each other. Biologically, it is normal for the woman’s sexual attraction to her partner to lessen within the first year due to that ancient mating strategy of sexual selection.
Her sexual desire can drop off as her DNA tells her it is time to go find a stronger, faster, more Dominant Male to make genetically supercharged babies.
Men can feel this happening in their woman, but may not realize it. If they see a decline in the “horniness” in their woman and interpret it as a betrayal (a bait and switch by the gals, i.e. “she got me into the relationship with lots of sex early, then once I’m in, she doesn’t want to have as much sex with me”) they may be biologically correct.
But, guys, please don’t forget the biological reason for it and stay committed to making sex work for this gal so that she can forget her sexual blaahs and become even more bonded to you.
And ladies, look carefully at your own motivations. If this is the man you want to stay with for many years, understand your DNA pull and override it by making sex so fun you can’t resist it either.
Tarzan and Jane
Many women try to talk themselves into staying with “the one you can live with,” when they really want the “one you can’t live without” to quote Toby Keith. Doing this sets women up to be critical, judgmental nags of their husbands. They set up a subconscious pattern in which they will never be content with the man they have chosen, never letting their inner sex goddess out, and constantly chiding him for not being the Tarzan her heart desires.
Guys, odd advice here: When your woman is withdrawn and bitchy, try not being quite as catering and fawning to her. Especially in bed, take the lead on what positions you want and when you want them. Don’t leave her out of pleasure, of course, but try being more dominant in a sexy, trash novel way.
Of course, I am not recommending cruelness or abusive behavior, but it is worth knowing that, quite often, when women are being hypercritical and withdrawing sexually, men try to “please” their woman into more love in a way that backfires. It may indeed be better to tell her “Knock it off, you are being rude.”
And in bed, you might try verbalizing “the nasty” that you want.
“After I make you come, I want you to look at me while you suck me.” This will either jump start things or end them…but it may be the jolt you need as your gal might see a hint of the Dominant Male in their (and your) DNA, a happy and fulfilling hint at that.
Do Women Want “Nice” in Bed?
Over shadowed by the media attention on the pervasive misogyny and sexual violence against women in our culture is the catch 22 that the “nice” guy has during sex.
Rape is obviously not okay, but if we consistently tell our young men they have to “ask” before any advance in sexual touching occurs, they may just decide that the most respectful way to approach intimacy is to hang back and let the woman craft the sexual script.
This may be a bio-sexual mistake, in many cases, as you can learn if you go to the girls’ table at Starbucks and hear complaining (especially among more educated, professional women with equally educated professional men) that their guys are so passive and undemanding in bed that the ladies are bored to tears by the sex.
Cultural sexual scripts, dictated by certain Puritanical or rigidly feminist women, demand that men leave their aggression and intensity outside the bedroom door. These scripts are no less detrimental to society, in my science-based view, than are cultural scripts of women as physical objects.