- Share This Post
- submit
- 14
-
Sparkle (0)
Relationships end for all sorts of reasons and not all them involve the loss of love. In fact, the most emotionally difficult break-ups I've been through were the ones where I was still in love, even though I was the one ending the relationship. I don't know about you, but for me those are the ones that cling.
The wrong song on the radio, an email in your inbox. Somebody mentions your ex at a party, and the pain is there like it never went away. Until the day, if you're lucky, the switch flips and you're free.
My first serious love was a guy I met while I was in high school and we dated some after that and into my undergraduate. We broke up because we were going in different directions, becoming different people. It was the right call. But Oh, how I loved him!
The residual feelings stayed with me for years. I thought I'd never be free of it; that part of me would always miss loving him.
Until one day, I was driving in my car and "Strawberry Wine" by Deana Carter came on the radio. I'd sung with that song a million times; I owned the CD. But for some reason, in that moment, Deana Carter and I sang, "Is it really him, or the loss of my innocence, I've been missing so much?" And for the first time in my life, a major relationship switch flipped. I literally stopped singing, mouth agape. I was free.
Sometimes, things aren't as heavy, but it still feels like a switch flipped. When the Hunky Actor and I broke up for the last time, in the moment, I was in denial, trying to hold on. But I woke up the next morning, and it was gone. The switch had flipped, and it wasn't going back. There was some pain to get through - breakups always suck - but it was done.
I regret being in a relationship that went back and forth a few times. I don't like that I let that happen, and I don't like how other people perceive it. But it was a blessing in the end. A final lesson perhaps, that I needed some repetition to really bring home.
See, a major switch flipped last month after my break-up with the Hunky Actor. Film School Boyfriend; That was pain. Only a month before, he'd emailed me and the mere sight of his name in my inbox completely slayed me with pain, six years after we broke up.
But. The day before my birthday, post Hunky Actor breakup, there was a birthday greeting from him in my inbox, and my instantaneous, absolute gut reaction was, "How nice!"
Sometimes when the switch flips, you spin. I didn't know I could ever release that pain, and there it was, gone.
"Why is it that we don't always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends?" Harris K. Telemacher, L.A. Story
If I have a fatal relationship flaw, it's that I'm perhaps too loyal and too hopeful. I don't intend to change that about myself, because I think that when it's the right person, it's a pretty good way to be. Still, I do feel like I should have walked away from a romantic relationship with the Hunky Actor after the first breakup, but the fact is, I wasn't there yet, and ultimately, I'm glad I played it through.
There's certainly no residual doubt. All the residuals are growth and friendship related, and that's pretty damn cool.
~
The blogosphere speaks:
Great post from a guy: Ben from Lemon Onion Brinjale blogs 10 Signs That You're Dating a Commitment-Ready Guy. (And a blog that plays music you can actually leave on while you read? I didn't think it was possible.)
Yosefa from Life's Journey blogs Tears. Life. Love. "I have no problem writing what I feel; it’s the speaking that gets me choked up." You, me, and Hugh Grant in every romantic comedy ever, baby. Amen.
Blogger at Jumping in... is So Annoyed with Guys… The Internet could never have enough dating horror stories, that's for sure.
~
Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
