Rescue Me…from Being a Panty-“Waste”

Okay, I’m just going to write this:  I need panty help. 

I’m admitting this fact and owning it completely. After all, that’s the first step, right? 

And I don’t just need a little help.  I’m 47 years old and I need a panty-makeover.

Allow me to demonstrate the severity of this problem:

1)      I avoid purchasing panties for longer than I should, so much so that most of my inventory has been laundered to the “swiss-cheese” stage of hole-y-ness.

2)      I then go to a department store, wander aimlessly around in circles until I reach my frustration threshold, then grab 6, 8 or 10 pair of the first brand I see in order to escape with something to wear the following day.

3)      I also have over-compensation panty issues.  When my husband says something like, “Kelly, next time could you crank up the sexy factor a bit?  Those 100% lilac colored Jockey hipsters are saggy in the back-ie”…well, then I make truly honest, but horrendous mistakes. 

I’ll come home with 100% silk, platinum colored thong-style torture apparati.  The situation is not pretty.  Well, it might be a little pretty, but it’s WAY not comfortable.

So then, of course, I follow that visit by running to the store and overstocking on comfy cottons (read: granny-panties) so I can have something wearable for work. The cycle is way past  "vicious." It’s visceral.

4)      And finally, even when I think I’ve mericifully found THE panties, I then proceed to go back and buy ten pair so I’ll-never-run-out-and-always-remember-the-name.  Unfortunately, THE panties usually end up being the kind like I have now.  I have no shame any more.  I’m going to SHOW you what they’re doing...

THE panties that are NOT THE panties

I bought TEN pair of these, they’re only sixty days old, and already three of them have a waistband that’s nearly separated from itself.  In other words, I’m birthing waistband twins.

I don’t WANT waistband twins.  I just want good panties.

So…I’m back to my thesis.  I need help, and I need it now.  My standards are simple:

1) Nice, snug fit; 2) Slightly sexy so I feel happy and my hubby does too; and, 3) Durable.

That’s it.  A tripartite criteria for my perfect derriere coverage needs.   I’m begging for your expertise.  So, can you help me solve my panty problem?

It would be awesome if you would.

***

Find me at the Red Dirt Chronicles...

Best, Red Dirt Kelly

 

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