Rescue Me…from Being a Panty-“Waste”

Okay, I’m just going to write this:  I need panty help. 

I’m admitting this fact and owning it completely. After all, that’s the first step, right? 

And I don’t just need a little help.  I’m 47 years old and I need a panty-makeover.

Allow me to demonstrate the severity of this problem:

1)      I avoid purchasing panties for longer than I should, so much so that most of my inventory has been laundered to the “swiss-cheese” stage of hole-y-ness.

2)      I then go to a department store, wander aimlessly around in circles until I reach my frustration threshold, then grab 6, 8 or 10 pair of the first brand I see in order to escape with something to wear the following day.

3)      I also have over-compensation panty issues.  When my husband says something like, “Kelly, next time could you crank up the sexy factor a bit?  Those 100% lilac colored Jockey hipsters are saggy in the back-ie”…well, then I make truly honest, but horrendous mistakes. 

I’ll come home with 100% silk, platinum colored thong-style torture apparati.  The situation is not pretty.  Well, it might be a little pretty, but it’s WAY not comfortable.

So then, of course, I follow that visit by running to the store and overstocking on comfy cottons (read: granny-panties) so I can have something wearable for work. The cycle is way past  "vicious." It’s visceral.

4)      And finally, even when I think I’ve mericifully found THE panties, I then proceed to go back and buy ten pair so I’ll-never-run-out-and-always-remember-the-name.  Unfortunately, THE panties usually end up being the kind like I have now.  I have no shame any more.  I’m going to SHOW you what they’re doing...

THE panties that are NOT THE panties

I bought TEN pair of these, they’re only sixty days old, and already three of them have a waistband that’s nearly separated from itself.  In other words, I’m birthing waistband twins.

I don’t WANT waistband twins.  I just want good panties.

So…I’m back to my thesis.  I need help, and I need it now.  My standards are simple:

1) Nice, snug fit; 2) Slightly sexy so I feel happy and my hubby does too; and, 3) Durable.

That’s it.  A tripartite criteria for my perfect derriere coverage needs.   I’m begging for your expertise.  So, can you help me solve my panty problem?

It would be awesome if you would.


Find me at the Red Dirt Chronicles...

Best, Red Dirt Kelly


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