One time I walked into the bathroom and smelled … pee. I pulled up the stone covered bath mat, very pretty, but super unpractical – and noticed a very light sheen of piss sprayed across one end. Yeah, that’s not from a cat. That was a spray bottle spray, even and no real point of origin. Of course, I was the only one with a cat. Remember my cat poo stories from the apartment? No? Well this time I didn’t have a remote skype cam set up to catch any crazy maintenance man…. Guess I didn’t need one.
Of course, when discussing my ex-husband, she let it slip that “if he had said anything to you, the knights surely would’ve kicked him out, and probably more.” Um…what? Knights? Hmm…. That same conversation she mentioned that he probably felt that I emasculated him. Oh yeah, we fought over use of the kitchen and he spent more time getting ready than I did, but I’m the one that emasculated him.
At Pride, I introduced her to my high school secret crush “Dustin”, I couldn’t help but notice how adoringly she looked into his eyes. Maybe I’m paranoid. But then, I remembered he hung out at that Karaoke gay bar (that Mickie used to call home) and oh, what a coincidence – he also lived next door to the SGI Community Center.
One night I invited Dustin to come chat with me and a girlfriend from the U. We got to discussing jobs, and how her husband has been at is IT job for almost 20 years – and only took a two year course to get it. “A lot of people try to get into IT, and can’t find a way in – including me,” he said. “How do you think he got in?” Then he made the most rude, embarrassing gesture (read: BJ) with his hand. I could only stare at my friend in shock.
Okay, I guess I figured out how Dustin really felt about homosexuality.
One night I caught Micki streaming four porn videos at once on her computer. Hey, you know – I’m not going to judge… but she did it while my daughter was sitting right fucking next to her. I glared at her, at first – but she didn’t get it. Then I said, Hey – turn it off – my daughter is here… “Okay, Okay” as if she were the teenager just getting busted for playing video games instead of doing homework. WTF? Of course, I was the bad guy. Soooo judgmental.
I say again, WTF? Who does this blatant kind of activity, and to what end? Who brags “I have a cousin in the CIA” and there’s some shit going down? Someone trying to intimidate, IMO.
Why is it that I can’t see the forest for the trees WHILE IT’S HAPPENING? Like when I allowed her to share my dropbox? Oh yes, it’s been so much fun looking at all the little easter egg packages she left me on my computer.
And that one date, the guy that placed his handcuffs on the coffee table while we were chatting about Burning Man and why lesbians marry straight men and leave them after 20 years of marriage. (After describing, in detail, how much he “loved” driving Jeeps.) Staged, much?
Or, how about one of those high school “classmates” of mine offering to teach me to “code” – we set up a meet at a campus coffee shop, and I download the coding suite on my computer WHILE he describes to me how hacking a computer is so easily done when you down load stuff like that. After that he proceeded to initiate the most distracting sexual conversations – while I was at work. I say again, WTF?
20/20 Hindsight can be a most devastating downfall.
All this staged behavior reminds me of being a kid, twelve years old, sitting at the breakfast table with my siblings, watching our dad clean his guns in his underwear. While he was smiling and laughing with the other kids, he knew full well his message was getting across to me. You see only he and I knew what happened the night before. I did get the message…just way too late.