Resolution for Gozer
By Betty Fokker on July 31, 2014
My parents and I are no longer in a snit. They wrote me a sincere and heartfelt letter explaining their position, apologizing for hurting me, and in all kinds of turmoil because I was angry. It turns out that, for reasons known only to themselves, they thought I was furious because I wanted them to “confront” BabyBro and TaintFace for their lying shenanigans. They didn’t want to do this because they knew TaintFace is hell-beast enough to keep Gozer and Gamer away from them as a punishment, and BabyBro has no spine when it comes to his twatwaffle of a wife. They didn’t think it would help anything if they had less access to Gozer.
No shit, Sherlock.
I explained that, NO at no time did I want them to confront BabyBro and the skank he loves. The opposite in fact. I don’t want to remind BabyBro that he has left a channel open for me to talk to the doctor. Befuddled, my parents tried to figure out WHY they thought I wanted a confrontation. It boils down to the fact Mom assumed that because I was angry, I wanted them to punish BabyBro and TaintFace for their egregious behavior toward me. The fear that she would have to chose between her daughter or forfeiting contact with her granddaughter caused her to lose her ever-loving mind and shriek “bully” at me.
Oh, that reminds me. Mom apologized for calling me a bully but said that when I lost my temper she “felt” bullied. Fair play. Her feelings are valid. She is extremely conflict-adverse with a whistle-blower daughter who fears to challenge neither man nor beast; this ain’t easy on either of us. We discussed what a bully actually is, and also why she should let me off the phone when she triggers my PTSD. She cried, because she says she never knows what she said to trigger me. She wouldn’t say it if she knew. She has agreed to let me off the phone until I can explain my trigger without yelling from here on out; I promised to explain it to her later when my head wasn’t exploding.
I pointed out that this time my tempter made an earth shattering kaboom because she told me Gozer was “not my business”. What she was trying to convey was that I should not have to bear the burden of raining Gozer. What I heard was “I’ll defend my precious baby boy and leave Gozer swinging in the wind with no net”.
Misunderstandings had occurred.
Furthermore, it turns out that BabyBro wasn’t the one to tell Mom the whopper about Gozer not having autism. That was TaintFace, who had told my Mom that “she and BabyBro” had talked to the doctor. It made me feel worlds better to know that although my brother is delusional about his wife, it is not yet to the point of outright lying about his daughter. I fear that day will come, but it is not here now. As for TaintFace -- she has always been a liar. I am assuming it is a defense mechanism as a result of an abusive childhood. I pity her, but I nevertheless dislike her intensely.
The upshot is that Mom is reading the books on autism and trying to learn what to do for Gozer, which is what I wanted and she thought I *knew* she would do. I had to explain again that thinking she has communicated me via facial expression, tone, or omission is a pipe dream. Muggles have such a hard time grasping that Aspy people cannot read expression or understand tonal communication most of the time. Muggles are weird with their subtext and shit.
The fight was exhausting, but worth it to me because now I know explicitly that Gozer will at least be getting the help she needs when she is at my parent’s home.