Review of the Best Running Skirts (aka crotchless yoga pants) for Running or Running Around
By stephaniechivis on April 15, 2014
Compression shorts: sadistic running wear that squeezes thighs like soy sausages. Warning: women who wear them risk bladder infections, therefore a course of sulfa drugs is recommended to finish a marathon.
During the Pensacola marathon last fall I became annoyed with compression running shorts. Because they kept creeping up in the middle of my lady parts I was focusing undue attention on yanking them back into place. As a result, I began to dread running altogether and was frightened that if I didn't remedy this problem soon I was going to fall into a depression that would leave me about as low as Lil Wayne's masculinity. But before I commenced to mixing codeine cough syrup in my 'drank' to get a running-like metabolic fix in a Weezy-like fashion (convulsions burn a crap-load of calories) I had to try something new. And since I live in the tropical paradise of the Emerald Coast in Florida my alternative to compression shorts had to be something lighter than compression shorts. Some of the top runners (mostly female) wear skirts to run. So I thought I'd try this option. No chafing, no camel-toe, a flattering silhouette, great ventilation, no sweaty shorts sticking to your inner thighs post-race (another contributor to the camel-toe problem), and no VPL (visible panty line). At the very least, my race pictures would be a bit more attractive, right?
Try on an extra small. Come on, it'll be extra funny.
The first ultra-marathon skirt I bought after tossing the compression shorts was from Moeben. This skirt became my all-time fave and sadly, it was discontinued as the ultra-marathon mom who made it is (seemingly) no longer in the running skirt business. When I learned of this I cranked up the angry 90's era white woman music on my iPod to permanent hearing loss levels, which is what I always do when I’ve reached my “no, you did not” level. I had just bought the one vital item that gives me more muscle than any other weapon in my lady arsenal to finish a 50 miler on the beach, the Moeben running skirt. Ultra-runner and designer Shannon Farar-Griefer's skirt was tested in numerous 100 mile ultras by the pros so it stayed put while the built-in wicking/anti-microbial panties worked their black magic. The minimalist style Moeben skirt has a drop waist with 1 side pocket. I scored the red and white striped skirt with flag starred panties underneath.
Sure, my skirt was just below my who-ha. However, the odd local laws of physics which apply to any super heroine's dangerously short skirt caused it to always cover everything regardless of what ridiculous things I may have been doing during the race, like falling legs first or hanging upside down in a water crossing. At any rate, this skirt concealed my modesty from the audience's point of view (even though race photogs were clearly in position to get an eyeful).
Moeben skirt kept in place by magic near the special bathing suit area.
Sadly, the small and medium in this one, or any Moeben skirt for that matter, are no longer available. Anywhere. I am thankful I have the last one just as I am thankful for kittens and rainbows and Butterfinger's and sweet crap like that. So on to the next running skirt while I preserve this one in my closet along with my original shiny aqua blue Hoka One One's with the crazy high heels that make me six feet tall and bullet proof(http://www.blogher.com/moon-boots-mad-flavor-review-hoka-one-one-kailua-tarmac). It's true the higher the heel and shorter the skirt, the more empowered one becomes. If you’re ever feeling down and codeine cough syrup 'drank' is not readily available, I highly recommend putting on crazy tall moon boot shoes and a short a Moeben running skirt prior to opening a can of name brand whoop @ss on the road, beach or trail. So while becoming depressed again that my new fave running skirt was no longer in production, I began looking for a replacement skirt. In the process, I happened upon several companies with skirts as boring as a conversation with the drummer I used to date from '06 to '07. The prints and colors I saw didn't appeal to me even though I did find zillions of running skirts all over the web in varying price ranges. However, before I spent a whole lot of money on another running skirt, I reminded myself this next skirt could be as fleeting as a pair of shoes in Oprah's closet. I'd love to just buy and try until I have enough running skirts in my closet for a charity auction but I don't have the riches and fame of the Oprah today. I'm more like Oprah back in the day. Come to think of it, Oprah and I do have a lot in common. Just like Oprah, I was born a poor, black girl in the south. Ok. I wasn’t so much a black girl as a white girl, but I was still in the lower income in the south. That counts, right?
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