This is the RIBOH

 

 

This is RIBOH. Its medical term is Rage Induced Beast of Hell. It lives at the very end of my brain. Here is the CT scan image…

 

 

 

Most days RIBOH hangs there, content with reminding me of all of my faults and telling me that I’m a loser. In some cases, when I’m trying to go to sleep, it’ll remind me of important things I’d forgotten. Such as:

 

“Spiders sure are creepy”

 

“Remember that time noboby showed up to your birthday party when you were 4?”

 

“Why do dogs lick?”

 

“Everybody is lying to you; they have to because you’re stupid”

 

“Tomorrow is another day, you should make it a good one, LOLZ JK, you’ll find a way to screw up something”

 

 

  

What’s interesting about RIBOH, is that it’s relatively harmless. Other than the daily reminders that I am actually a good woman, mother, friend and everything else I need to say to shut it up, it really doesn’t bother me too much. Not unlike a Gremlin, however, there are certain things I absolutely cannot feed it. In particular, for me, it feeds on one teeny tiny seed of fear. Once it has tasted just a small taste of fear it grows to its true form…

 

 

 

This seed can be any form of fear really:

 

  • Fear of failing as a parent
  • Fear of failing at work
  • Fear of failing as a girlfriend
  • Fear of the unknown
  • Fear of sharks
  • Fear of burning my house down accidentally because I left on the flat iron

 

It only takes about 2 to 3 hours after ingesting its seed to grow to its full size. What’s neat is that I can feel it growing inside my brain. Just a soon as the seed has been planted, I can feel it feeding until I become its puppet. Then, it grabs its notepad and gets to work on its “to do” list…

 

“First thing I’m going to need to do here is destroy everything.”

 

“If there’s anything left, I’m going to go ahead and destroy that too”

 

“Anybody have any lighter fluid? I’m just going to go ahead and burn it all down”

 

 

 

  After RIBOH has carried out its list of destruction, and people start saying things to me like…

 “What is wrong with you?”

“Why did you kick my tires?”

“Was it completely necessary to kick over that port-o-potty?”

“You have anger management issues”

 RIBOH starts to return to its smaller form and back to my little reminder that no matter what I do, it will always be there to remind me that I suck.

"LOLZ, sorries"

 

 

 

 

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