Rolling Stone, The Anoka-Hennepin Suicide Cluster & "No Homo Promo"

I had heard that Anoka repealed the policy, but then that they changed it again.  I guess I'm not really sure where it landed.  In any case, great blog.  I think that schools need to do more to create a safe environment for kids.  Teacher's or parents or kids attitudes toward homosexuality shouldn't matter - bullying should not be tolerated no matter what. I think that the increased awareness about the issue is good first step.  I noticed that @EMA (@EMAthorstar) has an anti-bullying charity donation song out right now as well.  

Rita, 

Thank you. The LGBTQ community needs more allies like you and the people who responded here to your amazing post! 

This is happening in an area that is "big city" compared to where I grew up, a tiny town in Northern Minnesota. I am shocked. With enough prodding, teachers and students actually got a "fun skit" supposedly aimed at promoting yearbook sales stopped after we found out that it would consist mostly of homophobic jokes. Now, not a single person I know of has come out during high school there, even if they come out a year later and "everyone knew." It's not a welcoming environment for people of all kinds. But it is so hard for me to believe that the places we saw as really fancy schools with lots of money and resources are *more* backward than the high school in the middle of the woods I remember as constrictive. I'm just... enraged.

Fantastic article! Sad situation...

I've actually taught in the Anoka-Hennepin district and have friends who currently teach there. The vast majority of teachers understood the neutrality policy as impacting curriculum only and take a strong stand against bullying of any kind. I'm not saying that the district doesn't have a bullying problem, but part of the issue truly stems from the developmental egocentricity of teenagers. So many times kids will assume that teachers saw or heard the negative comment, when in reality, in a class of 35+ students, teachers just can't see and hear everything that goes on. The media has interviewed only a handful of teachers, when in reality, most staff and students find the district to be a wonderful, supportive place. The suicide rate, while incredibly tragic, is also not above average, sadly. That's not to say that the district and its students don't need more training and support. I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that these issues are being faced by students across the nation rather than vilifying a single district. Thinking that this problem is confined to or even magnified in a certain place only distracts us from fighting for the students in our own homes, classrooms, and communities.

I read the story somewhere in the last couple of weeks, timing lost in the mental fog of a cold. Of course we agree, but on the point of how can this be, I'd like to say something on this...

I grew up in an enclave of sorts, attended a grammar school a mile away, a high school, two. Now I did have some social awareness, because the nuns who taught us in elementary school were pretty in tune with many social issues (not the gay one, not an open issue then.) Yet, had I not left for college, I wonder what my home-bred outlook would be.I know then I was queer and scared silly by the prospect of that devalued difference.

I could hide it and get by, although the depression I dealt with would drop a horse. Our family physician declared me the most nervous child he'd ever dealt with, and wanted me on tranquillisers.... my parents wisely demurred. I had refuge, my bedroom. Today, not even a bedroom can be a refuge, because of the unfiltered reach of social media.

Anyway... I understand how community, somewhat sheltered, can develop cultural norms of this sort. It may leave me shaking my head in abject horror over nine children lost, but these folks don't think they erred, they think they do the right thing. So what we have are opposing sides of think we do the right thing, looking at something gone awry. We can articulate why it failed and how it harmed, but we do so in the context of butting up against the morality of others, and all of us tend to defend our morality.

Like it or not, politics matters. It may not matter on the local, individual interconnectivity and interaction level, but it matters when national leaders run about declaring gay folk to be aberrant and abhorrent. It defuses attempts to change minds, to educate, to help others understand.It defeats local apolitical efforts by giving value to points of view in need of change.

The policy may change in the district, but that doesn't flip a switch on the underlying attitudes, and I fear more children will be lost because of it. A decidedly not neutral policy is needed now, one with active support and crisis intervention, and clear policy and education against bullying, towards understanding and building bridges. Building bridges takes time... years across a body of water, and between people, probably more.

This article and the Rolling Stone article made scream, and and rant for hours. Since when did we forget that our main job as adults is to protect children?

Rita-thank you so much for writing this article. As a person actively seeking to rid my own state of homophobic laws and practices, this came at such a great time for me. I'm on a committee here in Iowa with a pastor that recently put a sign outside of his church declaring "Gay is NOT okay." He received some backlash but took it as a sign that God is listening to him and approving his message. My heart hurts for those that will never learn tolerance and appreciation for all those in different walks of life. LOVE and acceptance is a greater gift than the notion that its better to ignore, or even worse, to point a finger and preach that it's not okay to be the way you were born.

I agree that this is a well-written article - thank you for sharing. It's hard for me to read about these things without getting emotional and ANGRY at those who profess to "respect life" yet are capable of exhibiting such hatred for fellow human beings. Let us all remember that we must advocate for all children, no matter what our role in their lives. Sometimes we may be the only adults who show them love, acceptance, and support.

I think this is hands down the best article I've ever read on BlogHer - I am crying over here. But - I wish you hadn't had to write it.

Like most of you, I am horrified by the actions of that MN school district and the way they allowed bullying to progress even after multiple complaints and even suicides. There are a lot of lessons to be learned here, a lot of things to consider when it comes to how we treat people in society and especially how we treat children.

Also, let this be a reminder of something that is pressing down upon America - we have the power change things.

I don't mean to hijack this comment thread with something that could be considered off-topic, but please, this November, go out and VOTE. Not just for the president, not just for members of Congress, but go vote for your BOE, go vote for your city council members or your town selectman or mayor or whoever else is in charge. Change starts small and then grows, like a snowball rolling down a hill, you know? Remind yourself how important it is that the people who represent your vote should be the ones who most closely align with your beliefs, morals, and ideals... Don't vote for bigotry, is what I am saying here.

I'm sorry, but I truly believe that far-Right zealots like Michele Bachmann are incapable of getting it together to protect children. They have a vision of the ideal America-- patriarchal, ultra-religious, traditional-- and they will defend it at all costs. If a few kids have to die for it, so be it. The description of that woman going into her son's room to find him hanged is one of the most haunting things I have ever read in my life. Can you imagine anything more awful than that? As a mother, Michele Bachman should be willing to put aside her bigotry and advocate for a real anti-bullying policy. She doesn't have to be pro-gay marriage, she doesn't have to start loving gay people. But her refusal to even recognize the humanity of the LGBT community says to me that she really doesn't value human life. I've said it before and I'll say it again: People like her have blood on their hands. They create a culture of bigotry, and kids die for it.

"Where are the parents?" <-- This drives me freaking nuts.I don't know where the parents are. I don't know if they are working five jobs to keep a roof over their kids' heads. I don't know if they are struggling with illness or an ill family member. I know know if they are just "bad" by every objective definition of "bad" that crosses the bright line into real emotional or physical abuse and neglect.But I'll be damned if we are going to let some kid suffer because we're afraid of getting our own noses lopped off. If advocating for children in need isn't someone's cup of tea because there is no immediate benefit to themselves or their own family, then take the long view: someday, these children will be adults, living in our neighborhoods, working alongside us and our children, running the place....it's much easier to live life among people who have come through childhood and adolescence as whole and as healthy and as educated as possible.

I don't know where the parents are. But when adults get involved and stay involved, giving children support and guidance as mentors through their own work, through volunteer work, by stepping in and helping to right what's wrong, by just showing kids an example of what else life can be out there in the big, wide world, then it not only of immediate benefit to dependent human beings, but an act of genuine stewardship for the world as we would like it to be.

I just want to note something here, because I'm local and we've seen the coverage of this all along.

The board didn't wait for the RS piece to act. They were already on the path before that. That of course, and very unfortunately, doesn't mean that they get it. I think you've nailed it in a way that none of the local news pieces have. (and I appreciate the RS coverage because they were also able to address coverage of it in a way that local news seems too chicken shit to do)

This is about the kids. I was incredibly thankful that we are not in that district, even though it is close to us. I don't know if faced with my kid being treated like that that I would have been able to remain civil, coherent, or non violent.

This is entirely right and wonderfully written, Rita. It sounds weird to say I'm proud of you, but regardless, I am.

Sadly, I do think that people who are opposed to the "lifestyle" and it's "abnormality" do not care what happens in the wake of that crusade, be it against children or adults. The only thing that will combat this kind of inhumanity is voices like yours, unrelenting, calling into question, demanding compassion (and even its most basic siblings of humanity and civil treatment) for all, regardless of who they love or how they identify.

It's a tough slog, but I feel like we are at a really important and changemaking point in history where it's concerned. I think that's why the voices opposing people who live a life that isn't deemed "Christian" or "normal" by some preconceived standard are getting shriller, crueler, and more desperate, and why it's equally critical that voices like yours are constant and widely shared.

Thank you. A kid and/or a teacher somewhere -- hopefully more -- will benefit from this.

it's hard to know what to say here. I'm right there with you, and I agree that kids need to be protected and kids need to see that other kids are protected.

On multiple occassions I've had family members chew me out about my intolerance of people who are intolerant of people who are homosexual. They call me a hypocrite! That charge always makes me stop. It's true. I am intolerant. But it seems like it's worth acknowledging a difference between being intolerant of an attack, and being intolerant of a part of a person's identity. Of course, that little nuance seems to get lost, and I'm left speechless because at the end of the conversation, they're still my family, and I'm still in the minority. So as a side-note, I'm left with concerns about how do I teach my daughter to respect my family but never, ever act like them.

Is there a difference between a tolerance for cruelty and a tolerance for the wide and amazing diversity amongst the people in our country and across the world? I say yes. We do not have to tolerate cruelty. I believe that there is a difference between just being yourself, and attacking someone else for just being themselves.

From my own childhood, I can say that the other kids had much more impact over my self-esteem, my sense of value as a person, than my parents. And my opinion of myself was pretty low, even without having to contend with questions about sexual orientation. My heart just hurts for what these kids are going through. We have to stand up for them. We have to protect them. Those teen years were all about NOW. As a teen I understood later only on a logical level, but I had no life experience to show me that there really is a later, and there really are different contexts, and this precise moment doesn't have to last forever. There are times in a young person's life when every moment feels like forever. Those forever moments shouldn't be all degradaton, hatred, and cruelty. there should be at least a whisper of hope in there. we need to bring the hope.

I'd say the same thing, but with less grace and tolerance. Homophobia is not simply "another point of view" that's defensible by any measure, least of all religion (for if I'm not religious, how can someone else presume to argue with bible excerpts when the bible means nothing to me in my life? Ahhh, because without bible excerpts and unthinking parrotism, they'd have to resort to logic, and as soon as logic enters the room, a resistance to so-called 'homo promo' ((snickering)) crumbles into dust).

Homophobia is bigotry. There is no justification for it, and I have no respect for those who persist with it. I feel sorry for them, but when people like that have any authority in the world - and, in this case, strive to perpetuate hate and misery - I get enraged.

Yes! The suicide rate for youth and teens questioning their sexual orientation is terribly high. It is disgusting how we fail to stand up against bullying, but that's because we're just not very good at it. When we condone bullying, teasing comments, smears against a group of people, we ultimately end up allowing violence to happen and that's never okay. Your words ring really clear about our job as adults and the rights of children to grow up feeling safe and protected.

I agree with you and thank you for such a thoughtful, well written post on this. I truly love how well you showed the amazing and aching experience we have as parents-- what starts as a breathtaking moment with our own baby brings us toward all the injustices in the world. The personal is indeed political.