SAHM & Feminist: Why so hard to believe?
Talking on the phone with my mother last week, we brought up the subject of finances, but we tread lighting as not to step on toes (I have privacy issues), she then said, “Why don’t you just get a job?”
“Well mom, I just can’t right now.”
"Oh, I thought you were a feminist?" she replied, and I could hear her smirk. I know she doesn’t say it to be a pain.
Agh. It gets under my skin when people tell me that. So what I if I am staying home with my son? Living in the moment is what truly matters to us, having time with each other, (because at any moment this can all be over) being able to caress and address my son’s needs as it is called for.
Yes, our parenting style is very AP oriented (attachment parenting) and no, I don’t like to be away from my child for more than a couple of hours.
So what is best for us? Our family? A stay-at-home parent (which means I am home, since my husband has a great job) and one working parent. My answer for those who ask me, ‘what the hell does that have to do with being a feminist?’
Maybe these people just have this persona of feminism as, a no bra wearing, no arm-pit shaving women, who wants to take over all the male-dominated careers and leave the kids at home with dad.
In my household, my husbands job takes good care of us. We can live off of his income nicely, he provide to our needs, and we even can afford to have fun here and there. If it was even possible for me to go out and find a job better than his than we would switch places, and trust me, some days I wish I could. Full-time motherhood is no joke.
But I LOVE being a sahm. I am doing exactly what I like and feel great at doing. I know that by me staying home, my son is getting hugs and kisses from me, he is read books, learning daily, and bonding with me all day long. This time flies so quickly, why not grasp it.
And, when I am lucky, I have moments like this. He is cracking up, enjoying his idea of freedom. I get to get my writing done, and I also get to look at his precious smile everytime I feel the urge to make my heart melt. I wouldn’t trade this for a million dollars, and surely not for a little bit more income that will only make us more financially needy.
Because as the Buddha once said;
“Do not pursue the past
Do not lose yourself in the future
The past no longer is
The future has not yet come
Looking deeply at life as it is in the very here and now
the practitioner dwells in stability and freedom
We must be diligent today
To wait until tomorrow is too late”
So yes! Equal rights to everyone! Women keep up the fight for equal pay, challenge those with sexist opinions, and make sure to give yourself a voice in our media. But please don't judge us stay-at-home mothers, we are not concerning ourselves with the equations of society, we are focusing on our present. Our children as they grow. Our moments as they play out, and our smiles as they happen.
When I chose to stay home with my son, and cook dinner for my hard working husband. I chose what was right for my household and my family. This is the biggest job and mission a women should be able to take, and not be judged for. And something that I have learned, after having my son, just because boys have a penis doesn't mean we women are entitled to belittle them. If we do, we are no better than what we fight.