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I decided to create this blog after my world was flipped upside down, and reality had been pulled out from under me. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder on July 22, 2011 after what turned out to be my second major depressive episode. As the words rolled off my psychiatrist lips, my mind was flooded with memories of hanging out with various people who I consider close friends, trash talking, and making jokes about others living with Bipolar Disorder. I was now labeled, and shamed by the stigma engrained in Bipolar, not to mention mental illness.
I began falling down the rabbit hole, and as the days went on, the worse I got. I knew there had to be more to life then sleeping the day away. I needed a plan, and fast. I decided I would make my triumphant return to therapy, in pursuit of a better life. Knowing that there's got to be more out there to embrace, and be happy about....I just couldn't find it. My goal became to complete therapy in under a year, see my therapist for several months, then move on with my life and just be happy.
That didn't happen......
It was time to re-vamp my plan. My next plan of action was to see a shrink. After several of my therapist heartfelt attempts to accept a referral as she watched me grow more and more depressed. Thus, plan b. Plan b was to see my therapist for a couple of months, maybe squeeze in a time or two with the shrink while agreeing to try witch doctor concoctions (I hate taking meds ; very taboo to me) just one more time. Then once that dead line approaches, my year is up, and I'll be happy and able to move on with my life and put therapy behind me.
Yeah. That didn't happen either.....
Although I was perfectly conscious and coherent during my appointment with the shrink, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall. As I heard him tell me that my severe side effects to several anti-dperessants ( as well as other factors) were likely due to BD, as those medications were not designed for someone with Unipolar depression. I could feel my entire body tense up as if I were bracing for impact.
As stated earlier, I entered therapy because I knew there had to be more to life then what I was feeling and (not) experiencing. I found myself begging God; praying for healing. I said before entering therapy that I would do whatever it takes to put this depression behind me and find that old passion I used to have for my life. Now, it was time to prove it. I found myself on a new path in life.... the path to healing.
It was times like these I wish I had paid attention in psychology. I knew I had to educate myself on BD so I could educate those whom I chose to share my diagnosis with. This new path led me straight to the library where I was hoping to find books on coping with (and accepting) being newly diagnosed with BD, and what to expect on the road ahead..... Nothing. I found absolutely nothing, even after looking online.
I was shocked by the lack of resources available on being newly diagnosed. All I was looking for was someone to relate to. Which is what leads me to this blog. I wanted to offer a first person point-of-view of what it's like going through life with BD, while growing and defining who I am as a person.
