When I became a parent, I fully expected my speech patterns to change a bit. I knew I'd be hearing a lot more phrases like "You can't do that," "Please wait," "In a minute," and the now infamous "Can you hear me?" (That last one follows a family tradition. My mother used to say it to us over and over again, and I thought it was the dumbest question. Of course I can hear you. I'm just not responding. Derp.)
Still, I was not prepared for the string of utterly ridiculous words that leave my mouth on a daily basis. An outsider listening in would think I've lost my damn mind. So for your enjoyment (and my memory) here's a list of the top ten ridiculous things I have said this week.