saying what you mean

Why do people argue over the smallest thing? Does it make them feel better, more powerful, or are they just frustrated over things that really mean something to them? I have never been able to verbalize my feelings, my angry or hurt feelings that is and I sometimes envy those that can. But most people I have met or know argue by using extreme yelling and screaming. I have been single for over 1 ½ years and not by choice.

However, in the time spent in that relationship, we have never argued. Reason being? I would simply run away from that sort of situation. I could never bring myself to vent out the emotions of anger, anxiety, frustrations in front of the one I love. I usually leave it all inside or cry about it. I could never see saying something so verbal when it might hurt the other person’s feelings. I guess it was because I feared that if I did that they would just leave and not understand where these feelings were coming from.

I keep wondering why people in relationships argue over the smallest thing. At that moment in time, I am sure they don’t remember what it was like to be alone, not having anyone to argue with or share their feelings with but why can’t people just enjoy each other when they have someone? I think I have had an eye opener; anyone I have ever tried to get close too, or have feelings for has either never accepted me for who I am or never sat there long enough to listen. They would either judge me, or make some sarcastic remark about my feelings, makes you wonder why I never trusted anyone. I did once, and he too broke my heart in the most profound way. And now here I am writing this in hopes to open my heart again or at least get a grip on where I went wrong in life. I need to find myself again. I need to learn how to say what I mean and feel when I am feeling it, in that time and moment and trust that that person standing there will listen and still be standing there when I am done.

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