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SAHM of three kids, three and under...my son is three and my twin girls are a year old. I spend my days chasing the three of them in three different d...
 
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The Scars We Can See ... and Those We Can't

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Own Your Beauty is a groundbreaking, year-long movement bringing women together to change the conversation about what beauty means. Our mission: to encourage and remind grown women that it is never too late to learn to love one's self and influence the lives of those around us - our mothers, friends, children, neighbors. We can shift our minds and hearts and change the path we follow in the pursuit of authentic beauty.

I am scarred.

I have that little, almost invisible scar on my upper lip from when I fell off my bike as a child.

I have a small scar in the crook of my arm, where a razor blade cut me while I was throwing away trash bags at the grocery store I worked at in high school.

I have scars from cutting my ankles while shaving with cheap razors.

Insignificant scars here and there from living day-to-day life.

I have scarred myself: my ears are pierced 3 times on each side, my belly button has been pierced at least 3 times, and I have tattoos that represent things important to me.

I have a scar under each breast from 15 years ago when I 'got my boobs done', hoping it would make me love myself more. Little did I know that although it would improve my self confidence, it wouldn't change anything else.

And I have one big scar that runs across my lower belly that is from the birth of my daughters. The c-section I had to have because they were both breech. I have tried to love that scar, but I can't. It's ugly. You see, my skin keloids, and so the scar is not a thin, flat, straight line, but rather an ugly red, hard, lumpy thing. I can't yet see the beauty of it; that without that scar, the birth of my daughters would've been painful and possibly catastrophic to our lives.

Then there are the scars you can't see ... the ones that hurt more than the pain I went through to accumulate all of my physical scars put together.

I'm talking about the emotional ones.

Scarring others: saying things that I regret; words that can never be taken back and will never be forgotten.

Doing things without thinking to purposely hurt others.

Having those things said to me.

Having those things done to me.

Tears where there should've been laughter.

Years wasted.

Not loving myself and allowing others to hurt me.

Hurting myself to make someone else feel better.

Not chasing dreams because I was told that I'd never reach them. That I wasn't good enough.

Losing friends.

Hurting friends.

Being lost and hurt.

Regrets, not many, but enough to leave deep ugly scars like the one on my belly.

Doing things I knew were wrong and hating myself for doing them.

Selling myself short ... not believing in ME.

Not believing in myself and watching opportunities slip by.

Not saying 'I love you' enough before it was too late.

Taking people for granted.

Taking the blessings in my life for granted.

Not cherishing the little time I had to spend with amazing people that made my life better.

Wanting more, but settling for less simply because it was too much work to get what I really wanted.

Everybody has scars - some are worse than others and some will never heal.

And as I look at this list, I realize that this is just life. That all of these wounds, some big and some small, are reminders of the life I've led. I've learned something from each and every one of them.

I am trying to love these scars for what they have taught me; not for what I've lost or missed out on. Not for the pain that I caused to others. But from what I learned from them, and now hold in my hands, heart and head.

Because without these scars, where would I be today?

Read more about Own Your Beauty or add your name to our statement of belief now.


This blogger is also featured on EndlessBeauty.com, a website focused on a fresh look at beauty, from skin to hair to makeup, plus celeb style, fashion, and fitness.


Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3-year-old and 1-year-old twins.

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bibliophile21 5 pts

Love that image, I was thinking something similar as I read

bibliophile21 5 pts

We're all scared, in some way or another. But the scares are what makes us unique, and variety is where beauty is born IMO. I try to take my husband's stance on scars: as a former football player & soldier, his battle scars are sources of pride for his endurance and symbols to others of his resilience and strength. I am working to adopt the same attitude toward my own scars, both emotional & physical. I hope your journey to acceptance for your scars is going well :)

WonderFriend 5 pts

It's so true - without those scars, you wouldn't be you.

BooyahsMomma 5 pts

This post was so raw and honest. It takes a lot of courage to write something like this. Thank you for sharing.

Booyah's Momma
www.chipandbobo.com ( http://www.chipandbobo.com )

RB OneofaKind 5 pts

Thanks 4 sharing Natalie. This describes me in a nutshell. I'm new 2 this site & this is the first blog I've read.

Very inspirational. Thanks again : )

Sincerely,
RB

coolwhipmom 5 pts

Natalie, this is such a beautiful piece of writing and so empowering for all women. Thank you for having the guts to say what many of us hold inside. You are an inspiration to me. I heart you. Big time.

AwayWeGoNancy 5 pts

Beautifully said. I see my scars as badges of honor, because I'm still here, despite them.

Nancy Campbell

Twitter: @AwayWeGoNancy

Blog: www.npoj.blogspot.com ( http://www.npoj.blogspot.com )

Megan - Best of Fates 5 pts

Scars are awesome - they give a body personality!

I mean, just think, without that scar Harry Potter's just an orphan with a pet bird.

Natalie H 5 pts

I'm not the only one with the Frankenstein-like C-section scar! Yay :)

I'll see you at BlogHer!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Squashed Mom 5 pts

When I was in college a bunch of friends once sat around taking turns showing off our scars and telling hysterical stories of how we'd gotten them. (Why, yes, some drinking was involved in this endeavor, how did you guess?) I only got to go two rounds before I had to drop out of the telling and just listen, because I'd had such a physically un-traumatic childhood with only two tiny visible scars to show for it.

Well, they should see me now with my giant, red, keloided C-section scar below my jiggly, stretch-mark-silvered belly (a gift of my full-term twins).

So, I think at BlogHer11, we should all get together and show off our C-section scars, and vie for the title of most Frankenstein-like. And yes, I think some drinking might need to be involved in this endeavor.

(Love you, love your post!)

Varda is the Squashed Mom from The Squashed Bologna: a slice of life in the sandwich generation. ( http://www.squashedmom.com/ )

Natalie H 5 pts

The comfort does come from knowing we're not alone...and if this post helps one person, than me sharing my ugly scars/secrets will make it all worth it.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Thanks Nina! I'm very glad that I decided to share it.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

"Everything means something greater"...I LOVE that!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

You're right...very important memories...some good, some bad, but all important.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

It was one of the posts that took me the longest time to write, and I almost chickened out many times :)

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Kris - you know how much your words mean to me....happy sighs....

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I like your thinking!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

You are so right! They are our secrets...our fears...our passions...they make us who we are.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I appreciate the fairy dust and your support!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

SO HARD to talk about, but I'm also so glad that I wrote this. It did help :)

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I love that outlook - and I'm going to take the same path!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I don't have to tell you how much that means to me...thank you.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Let's make a resolution to make the effort to learn to love those C-section scars this year.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I've learned....from every one of them, I've learned.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Sharing them was NOT easy, but I'm glad that I did...I had no idea that I'd get so much support from such amazing people. Thank you!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

While I haven't learned to love all of my scars yet, I'm working on it, and that's what's important right? xoxxoxo Than you Chole!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Thank you!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

"Warts and all" is exactly right!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

The scars that we think really have no meaning? Are usually the ones that mean the most. Thank you for the congrats!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I know there are more scars to come, and with age I hope to appreciate them more.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

Ah, the pictures! I am so honored to have your ongoing support (and inspiration) my beautiful friend!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I just wish I could remember my own words sometimes! Thank you for your support Sherri, you know how much it means to me!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

War wounds describes these emotional scars perfectly.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

And I love you right back! Thank you my beautiful friend :)

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

"Stepping stones to the you to be"...I love that!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

And healing means that I'm still growing, right? Thanks for your ongoing support my beautiful friend!

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

Natalie H 5 pts

I don't exactly love my body (yet), but I'm working on it! I do appreciate the scars tha I've earned throughout the years, though.

Natalie writes at Mommy of a Monster and Twins ( http://www.mommyofamonster.com ) about her day-to-day life and the chaos that comes with raising a 3 year old and 1 year old twins.

krislukings 5 pts

Scars are proof of healing - but not always proof that we have healed the right way.

I loved this post. You beautifully lay out how we cheat ourselves - scar ourselves. I hated when you said that you hurt yourself so that others would feel better.

So glad that you shared your scars with us here. It is comforting to know that we are not alone and encouraging to see someone who is healing properly.

http://krislukings.wordpress.com/2010/10/26/do-sca...

@NinaBadzin 5 pts

Women so need to hear this, AND believe it. Wonderful post!

Nina :)

http://ninabadzin.com

THE WRITING LIFE, MARRIAGE, AND MOTHERHOOD.

Bonnie Crowder 5 pts

So true. So beautiful. Brought me to tears. Thank you!

Bonnie
The Shape of a Mother ( http://theshapeofamother.com/ )
Zebrabelly ( http://zebrabelly.wordpress.com/ )

lenamk 5 pts

You are beautiful, inside and out. The scars are only your 'war wounds' and do not make you ugly in any way. Learning to love our imperfections and count the blessings they represent is a beautiful process itself. I hope you can truly love every bit of yourself and be proud of those scars which have their own beauty, because they mean so much more.

My husband has a 12" scar on his left side that runs front to back, and 6 punctures (look like bullet wounds, but aren't) on his right from two separate nephrectomies he had last year to remove kidney tumors (one on each kidney). They were both kidney cancer, but luckily didn't rupture the kidney sak and there wasn't any metastasis. Every time I see or feel them, they remind me of how blessed we are, especially me, that we beat that horrible and very scary battle. He's here, alive, healthy, and I'm able to love him and keep making memories...something which seemed uncertain just a few months ago. Count your blessings, and yes, love everything about yourself, even what you may think is not as beautiful. Everything means something greater. :)

Cheers!

==

check my blog: the Sassy Mama blog ( http://lenammartinez.blogspot.com ) .... latest post: 2011 Own Your Beauty - January’s theme: Adventure

jw27 5 pts

Loved this the first time I read it, so true that scars make up some of the important memories of our life.

www.thewatson6.blogspot.com ( http://www.thewatson6.blogspot.com )

jamc 5 pts

Congrats on being syndicated! This is a great post, with a lot of thought behind it. I think it's something we can all relate to.

kris@prettyalltrue.com 5 pts

Hey, you!

Congratulations on being syndicated here on BlogHer!

So happy to see this post here.

I have more scars on the inside than the outside, but I wear mine just as proudly. Because guess what? These scars have made me who I am. Just as your have made you who you are.

A strong loving confident mother.

A woman who knows herself.

Happy sighs.

A lovely post.

Pretty All True ( http://www.prettyalltrue.com/ )

Partly Sunny 5 pts

How many of us have laid in bed with a new love, gone over every inch of each other's skin, and told our stories? If it weren't for scars, the conversation would end really quickly. Scars are what make us interesting.

Great job Natalie!

Tammy blogs about her super-exciting, highly controversial life on the cul-de-sac at Partly Sunny, Chance of Rain ( http://www.blogher.com/www.partlysunnyblog.com ). She also edits World's Worst Moms ( http://www.blogher.com/www.worldsworstmoms.com ), where good moms tell their best "bad mom" stories.

livingwithumami 5 pts

if we went through life trying to avoid scars we'd never have any fun, right?

:) Shannon
www.livingwithumami.com ( http://www.livingwithumami.com )

moveovermaryp 5 pts

Congrats, Natalie!

This was a great post, and you so deserve this!

Gonna go click the fairy dust/high fivey thingy up there!

SurvivingMomdom 5 pts

This is a great post. Scars aren't always easy to talk about..some are very painful...reminders that we just want to forget. BUt they make us who we are....beautiful and unique!

OneWomansEye 5 pts

Someone told me a long time ago to love my scars. They were a sign I was really living.

Joanne Tombrakos is a writer, personal coach and corporate expatriate  who blogs her observations on life and work after Corporate America at http://onewomanseye.blogspot.com. Stay tuned for details on the release of her first novel!

the mombshell 5 pts

Love for you and this post.

http://themombshelter.blogspot.com/

Take cover, the kids are coming.