The Scarcity Mindset of Women
By Women Enough on January 08, 2012
2011 was a bold year for me in taking risks. I threw my hat over the fence and ran after not knowing if I'd find it. It took all of me (and some serious feminine super strength and support) to get myself out of the funk I was in: Who am I, What am I doing and Why the f**k doesn't numbing bring long-term satisfaction?? I mean, cocktails, anyone?? I literally was living from full on fear most of 2011, but the difference from previous years was that I was no longer letting the fear keep me stopped.
I'd spent all of my life doubting myself and not living because of it but merely numbing the absence of something. I've compared myself a million times over; she has it easy & she doesn't get it. Blah blah blah. But what a cop out!! (and my inner mean girl loves to cop out) Sound familiar? But when we spend our lives comparing ourselves and measuring what we don't have and who we aren't it becomes a numbing to all the good things we are and can be. Our own doubt and self-ignorance is used to having its way with us and having us blind to all that is good and right with us.
As women we are used to comparing ourselves to others. But what about all of the things that we went through those others don't see? What about all the things we've struggled with to get to where we are? Same goes for that successful woman at work, that other woman that you think has it easy, the woman with the 'perfect' body that you compare yourself to, the woman that is always so nice (but maybe she's so pained on the inside?) We don't see her struggles, her self-doubt, and her fear; what goes on at home that she's hiding with the perfect outfit or body? And part of the reason is that in the past, when we’ve shared our pain with other women, someone used it against us. It's time, as women that we allow each other to see our flaws and struggles so that we can support each other- not tear each other down.
From an early age girls are taught competition and cattiness and are using their own self-doubt and insecurity to wreck havoc on each other. We want to feel safe in relationships but the same people that are supposed to be our friends are secretly, then publicly, conspiring against us. Why is that? Scarcity. Insecurity. Jealousy. Ignorance. The real ugliness with women has nothing to do with our looks- it's how we treat ourselves and others.
There is a cultural shift in the works for women; we have a stronger presence in the workplace, in media and in our homes. The opportunity for us to collaborate and support each other, collectively, is NOW. We've spent decades as women trying to define and support ourselves from an individualistic standpoint when we, inherently, thrive in community.
I am in constant conversation with and coaching women on the pervasive: we all feel alone in our journey and we all want the kind of relationships with women that we can count on, truly count on. But who knows how to find them? Who knows which ones are trustworthy and which are two-faced? The problem lies in the scarcity mindset women live by: 'will there be enough for me? If she wins, I lose.’
What's important instead of letting the struggles of other women motivate you in getting ahead, is to recognize that the mentality is scarce and will not truly serve you long term. You must be willing to take a sober look at your life and do whatever is necessary to get you where you want to go. You've got to stop numbing and hiding, stop pretending and avoiding. We hide out a lot as women and the key to getting real with ourselves and our lives is letting ourselves be fully seen and supported by other women. My Solution to this is Women Enough.
Women Enough is a global support network that encourages the self-esteem and advancement of women by combining the power of shared storytelling with the major resources and accountability of a fierce collective. The network is designed around what’s most unique and important to women and is comprised of local Ignition Groups who meet regularly online and in person to set aggressive, actionable goals while maintaining their personal integrity and relationships with other women.
WE believe women are the key to changing the world. Our Ignition Groups are a way for us to identify and support individual leaders who will be the difference that makes the difference. Our goal is to illuminate and celebrate women that are leading the change and to create a new media that supports the advancement of women in a collaborative win-win way.
Follow me, (WE) as I feature courageous women who are collaborating to create massive, sustainable change. We are all Women Enough to go after and achieve our dreams, together.
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For more information about Women Enough and becoming a beta user of our Ignition Groups, please contactMichelle@WomenEnough.com.
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