Scattered

My number one son started preschool on Monday!!!!

I can't believe it, either.

He put on his snazzy back-to-school duds (click to view photo).

 

And then he put on his snazzy back-to-school sweater, his lucky red baseball cap, and his brand-new backpack (click to see my little charmer in action).  Yes, he knows EXACTLY how cute he is.

And then he left me all alone in the house.

The quiet was bizarre.  I am rarely alone.  Aside from fleeing the house trail-running to prepare for next year's race season, it happens almost never.

It was weird.

He had such a good time at playschool.  When I went to pick him up, along with two of my extra kids, he was so excited to see me and tell me everything about his morning.  (Which was a major departure from his sister's two-line response to the same question on her first day of school.)  We don't often get the opportunity to miss each other.  It was definitely worth the price of admission.

---------

We're sort of holding our breath, right now.  Waiting to find out what will happen with The Boy.  Waiting to see how his final act of intentional, malicious harm will play out for my family, for him.  It would be easier if he were not so damaged.  I could hate him, then.  I could stand up and scream for all that he has done, scream until they put him in a cage and throw away the key.

It's not his fault.  I know.

He doesn't know what he's doing.  I KNOW!

So, sleep has been rare, around here.  There has been a lot of coffee consumed, a lot of raised voices, frazzled nerves, and sharp retorts.  I keep it together for my kids and my extra kids, in the daytime.  They keep me lifted with their easy joy and simple conflicts.  I love how they truly laugh out loud, without pretext or pretension.  But after the workday ends.....

Well.

Mike cut my hair, today - as short as I asked - and when I looked in the mirror my eyes looked huge and wounded.

Why do you keep asking me if I'm okay?  Oh.

I'm okay.  Every good thing that happens each day, however small, I post to Twitter so I can remember.  It's a silly thing, I know, but it helps.

I'm okay.

www.thevalentine4.com

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