I fully support the parent led schedules. Parents should be in control. It bothers me when I see kids who have absolutely no schedule. Their lives are chaotic and unstructured. 

Mocha Dad

www.mochadad.com

I've always preferred a combination schedule, where the parents set boundaries, and the children have the flexibility to work within those boundaries.  This avoids total chaos, and gives children a much needed sense of some control in their own lives.

I do both, it just seems the most natural.  The funny thing?  In 11 years, I've never ONCE thought about it until you brought it up here.  I just always thought that I needed to set a bedtime and an eating time and then during the rest, do what they wanted to do, with parameters.  

I let my kids participate in a lot of their parenting, though.  I let them help choose what meals we eat, when they screw up we come to a punishment together, etc.  I do that just because I'm trying to teach them decision making skills and some critical thinking.  In the end, my way wins, but we try to work together.   It just works better for us.

Mr Lady www.whiskeyinmysippycup.com

I'm totally combined, but with an emphasis on parent led. I'm a bedtime Nazi, and we have a pretty basic routine. But in between meal times and naps, do what you want. {shrug} My kids thrive on routine. If they don't know what's going to happen, they freak out. So I keep it real simple. 

MomBabe www.thebinghamdiaries.com

When my first was a newborn, he ruled the coop!  I let his eating, sleeping - basically even his breathing - define each and every day.  Admittedly, I loved our lazy, unstructured days.  However, once #2 came along, this was no longer going to work!

Perhaps that is why my oldest had trouble with transitions and still needs to know what "the plan" is for each day...hmmmm?

So, with 2 babies (18 months apart), I NEEDED to be more structured, but I still took their moods and personalities into account.  When their sister came 5 years later, scheduling was already a big part of our lives and being that she was so much younger, you can bet that she was hauled along on her brothers' schedules more times than not.  She did just fine.

Now that they are 5, 10 and 11 - they all have different things going on, three different schools to get three different kids to with activities for all!  It is a lot, but we map out our week, making sure to "schedule" down time as well, and we talk all the time about how we need to make time for homework, chores, obligations, etc.  With the help of the kitchen family calendar, my kids know what to expect and when to expect it.  I try to teach them to be flexibile, however, because you cannot schedule or prepare for every minute of your life.  There are bound to be things that happen to disrupt your "routine" and I think being able to accept that helps develop a person who can adapt more easily to change.

But yes, combo scheduling works for us! Great post!

Carrie at Stop Screaming I'm Driving

I loved this:  "...children are people too. They aren't to be controlled, but guided. Not forced, but molded into the best people they can be."

I agree with you completely that children crave structure. But in being inflexible with a daily routine, you run the risk of creating children who cannot be creative or spontaneous and who freak out over any deviations from the "script." There is a difference in structure and mind control, IMHO.

I have two kids, and I've never really thought about it.  I don't actually consider us to have a schedule.  Sure, we have routines, and we eat meals at regular times and have rough bedtimes and so forth, but it's not like I plan it all out in advance or something.

I just don't stress it.  My kids know better than I do when they're tired or hungry.  If we have to be somewhere or do something then I will lay that out and prepare for it, but I generally respect them and let them set their own routines around whatever's going on. 

It's ironic, really, because I am a totally neurotic planner by nature.  I schedule myself down to the minute.  I just learned early on that I can try to neurotically plan days with little children, or I can maintain my sanity and understand that as long as everyone's fed and clothed and in one piece at the end of the day, it was a success.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

I'm definitely a combo parent. And, my schedule looks a lot like yours does, actually. But, with my little 15-month-old fast approaching terrible 2s (early), I'm getting pushed around a little too much. Still..., it's mostly combo...!

--Haley-O blogs at http://cheatymonkey.com!

I took my cues from my kids, made a schedule, and now everyone's happy.  There are definitely days when I need them to adapt, and they usually do it without any trouble.  I really find that the best way to make things run smoothly is to stay a step ahead of them with meals and sleep: plan for both and everyone's happy.

I work full time during the day.  My hubby works full time third shift.  I couldn't keep a schedule if my life depended on it!  Well, okay, maybe if my life depended on it.

The only thing that's sceduled is what time we each have to go to work and sort of what time we get out of bed. 

 But the rules are not set in stone.  My son's bedtime is 8:00.  But if he had a little late of a nap or just seems to still be wound up, there's no point in forcing it.  But it will mean the TV is off and it's time to do something quiet, like read a book.

That may change when he's older.  He's only two.   But each day I just wing it because I can't predict the future and each day brings it's own new experiences.

That's not to say that he can stay up until 11 pm just to watch TV.  It just means that I'm not going to stress over whether he goes to be promptly at 8 or if it's more like 8:30. 

I have a hard time with anxiety in general, so I take the saying "choose your battles wisely" at face value.  And schedules cause me a great deal of anxiety.  I just do my best to get things done in a reasonable time frame.  Otherwise, I'll drive myself nuts.

Vicki

http://mattsmama.wordpress.com

I definately believed in staying on a schedule when my 3 were young. But I made up that schedule by first observing what each child seemed to need, and it wasn't always the same for each child. When my daughter was a baby, I got a lot of laughs from some friends about how rigid I was.  But I'd observed her and she got cranky about an hour before she actually needed to be fed, and if I just played with her for that hour, we had some good times and she then would eat and immediately fall into a deep sleep for several hours. If I fed her at the first whimper, she wasn't tired enough to sleep for more than 20 min. or so. If someone came to babysit for her, I usually had a page or two written down about when to do what. Hardly anyone ever followed my list, and when I came home I often had a cranky napless kid, who'd been allowed to do what ever kept them quiet for the babysitter, even if that meant no sleep or lots of frenzied playing, which I had to now continue after they walked out the door. Now the kid was too wound up to nap, or too crabby to eat properly, and it took hours to reset them. Not exactly what I felt like doing after my relaxing afternoon at a movie, or a night out with my husband. Romance? Forget it! He went to bed, and I dealt with the beast. The Worst Day was when my husband and I arrived home from the hospital with child #3. A close friend had kept #2 for a couple of days and now was the Moment of Arrival. I'd tried to instruct my friend about naps, etc. But I could tell she wasn't going to do it. She was going to show me how being free was SO much better. She'd simply dragged my daughter around with her and her kids all day long, and then deposited her at my door, all disheveled and sweaty from having finally fallen asleep in the back seat of the station wagon for about 5 min. before arriving home. Gone was our Hallmark moment of introducing Big Sister to Little Brother. The only thing we could do was I closed myself up in my bedroom with the new baby, and Dad had to deal with our daughter until she wound down enough to go to sleep. Years later though, they were the ones that came to me for advice on dealing with their out-of-control kids. I just smiled and remembered.