Scurvy-Infested Cobras, Linda Blair, and Children's Books

I can’t help it- I REALLY don’t like reading children’s books.  I know, I am the worst parent ever… we already established that HERE.  I think a few things factor into this.  

 1. I’ve already read almost all of these stories 1.5 billion times and I’m not even allowed to change the frigging ending anymore because my kids call me out on it.   

 2.  I’m usually reading these books during the kids' bedtimes and all I can think of is “FINALLY, only 5 more minutes until I can go to the bathroom without being stalked!”

 3.  These stories are mind-numbingly boring and predictable.  There are a few exceptions, but even my 2 year old can guess how everything turns out in the end.

 So I was reading to my children last night and had a fabulous idea.   There should be a series of books for kids too young to read that would also contain little parental “nuggets” just for your entertainment.  Sort of like a book within a book.   Confused?   Am I getting all “Inception” on you?  Let me illustrate.


 Pirate 1

Pirate 2

Pirate 3

Pirate 4

Pirate 5

Pirate 6

Pirate 7

Pirate 8


I think I may be onto something.  Feel free to print out and read to your own cobra-fearing, non-napping, Linda Blair impressionist.




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