See What Happens When You Google Yourself?!

     And when I say "Googling yourself", I don't mean *wink, wink* "Googling yourself"....I am referring to the search engine Google.

     Yes, ordinarily, I'm here talking about sex...but just hang on a moment while I relish this incredible discovery and I'll get to the sex, I promise!

     Since I am an avid sweepstaker, I occasionally Google my own name to see if it appears on a winner's list somewhere, you know, for a tee shirt, water bottle or gift card. This evening when I typed in my name, I scrolled through the usual things I see: older winner's lists, articles I've written etc. But this time, I was shocked to find my name tied to a book! Yes, a real paper, ink and bound book!

     I clicked on the link and there it name....the title of one of my articles.....listed as reference material for chapter 17 of this book. The title is "Sexual Intimacy in Marriage" and it's written by William Cutrer, Sandra Glahn. My article used as reference in an actual book.....and a book with pretty good reviews as well.

     I have been on cloud 9 since finding this little bright spot, this literary treasure and it has inspired me. I am going to (finally) start the book that has been stewing in my brain since I retired from being "The Sex Toy Lady". And when I'm finished, you'll be the first to know! After all, I'll need help finding someone to publish me!

     But in the meantime, please have a peek at the article that was referenced in William Cutrer and Sandra Glahn's book. The Title is, "When He's Not in the Mood. Tips For dealing With Your Partner's Waning Libido".

.    Enjoy...and please, give me your feedback!

And while you read, I'll be here doing the *Happy Dance*!!!


When He's Not in the Mood: Tips for Dealing With His Waning Libido


    I will never forget the first time my husband rejected my sexual advances. He hadn’t been in the mood lately so I slid my naked body into bed next to him and began to make my move. He began laughing,  pushed me away  and asked me what the heck I was doing! I was devastated and humiliated. Thinking he may have just been stressed or tired, I attempted to seduce him again a couple of weeks later. This time, I went all out and dressed in a silky baby doll nighty. I curled up next to him on the sofa and purred like a kitten while I whispered naughty things into his ear. Again, I was humiliated when he pulled away from me asked me why I was all dressed up.


    I had always been under the impression that the male was supposed to be the sexual powerhouse, the one in the relationship who was insatiable. The woman was supposed to be the one turning down sex, that’s the way it had always been portrayed in books and on television! I was confused, sad and angry. My husband and I began fighting about sex every weekend and I would find myself retreating to the sofa and resorting to self pleasure.


   It took dozens of arguments and literally years before my husband and I came to an agreement about our sex life. I made many mistakes along the way and hope that if you find yourself in this situation, you can learn from my experiences and resolve things more quickly and a lot less painfully.


    If your husband rejects your sexual advances, don’t jump to conclusions. Unless you find a motel receipt, used condom and a thong in his car, he’s most likely not cheating. I immediately blamed myself and began crying hysterically that I was no longer pretty, sexy or desirable. I accused my husband of cheating, intentionally hurting me and yes, once, I actually accused him of being gay. If your man’s change in moods is something new, give it time as he may possibly be stressed out or simply not in the mood. If this is something that has been going on for a while, it is definitely time to explore other avenues and discover why he’s not in the mood


    It’s natural for a relationship to progress to some level of comfort. Sometimes your man may feel as if he no longer needs to try so hard to “conquer” you and therefore isn’t the sexual animal  he used to be. There is also the possibility that he may have become somewhat bored with the routine. Try spicing things up by pulling him into the bathroom for a quickie, playing a sexy game or trying a bedroom toy or potion. You could also try role playing, going out on a date or simply having sex in other rooms of the house. The idea is to stir things up in order to excite and stimulate both of your libidos while breaking out of the mundane routines


    If you have a raging libido, as it was in my case, your man may feel as if he’s no longer in the driver’s seat. Some men feel the need to be the initiator when it comes to sex and may feel less masculine when you’re climbing all over him. Or, as it was with myself and my husband, he may be overwhelmed by your high sex drive and simply isn’t in the mood as often as you’d like. I nicknamed this “candy store syndrome”, because when you get all the free candy you can possibly eat, you lose your appetite for it after a while!  Try stepping back a bit and allowing him to take control again. Stifling your own sex drive is frustrating and may seem unfair, but it’s a small price to pay to get your sex life back on track.


    Are you finding yourselves in the mood but at different times and just can’t seem to get your libidos to jive? Negotiate and see if you can come to a happy medium. If you want sex 4 days a week and he is only interested in sex once every two weeks, see if you can make a standing date every Saturday and stick to it. Making the date will not only assure you get to have sex with your husband, but it will create anticipation. In the meantime give him little peeks of what’s to come over the weekend. Wear one of his shirts around the house, with nothing underneath. Offer him a massage or to wash his back when he showers. Cuddle up next to him while watching television and when you go to bed. You never know, you may get more than one intimate romp that week!


    If, after trying some of the above suggestions, it seems he isn’t responding, you need to sit down and have a serious talk outside the bedroom. Express your feelings to him without making him feel guilty and see if you can get to the bottom of his waning libido. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help him be in the mood more often. This in itself will play into his “fix it” mentality and may help immensely.


    There may also be a physical reason for his lack of libido and a routine check-up with your family doctor may be in order. High blood pressure, diabetes, depression,  medications and other things can cause symptoms relating to mood and sexual performance and should not be overlooked. It doesn’t hurt to be cautious when it comes to your partner’s health.


    If  all attempts to remedy the situation are failing and it is putting undue strain on your relationship, please seek professional counseling. You can find a reputable family counselor at a nearby mental health center, through a referral from your family physician or at your church. Talking about sex to a stranger isn’t comfortable or appealing to anyone, but if you value your relationship, it’s a good idea to give it a try.


   Finally, every effort should be made not to obsess over the situation and let it effect the core relationship with your partner. Do activities the two of you enjoy together that are not related to sex. Play cards, enjoy a movie or cook a meal together.  It is also crucial for you to remember that this isn’t your fault .It is important that you take care of yourself and not let the situation effect your self esteem. Pamper yourself, work out, buy a sexy new outfit or just talk to a close friend.

 Never forget that you are still a beautiful and desirable woman!


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